Give It Time
by Corsairway
Summary: Some friendships have expiry dates, graduation day. Others would hold strong, bond together through three years of laughter, tears, victories, loses and secret shared in the dead of night. It was hard to say in that moment if those three would share the former or latter of friendship. (Read and review please!)
1. Prelude

"This won't be goodbye, I hope you know that."

In the one of the few gymnasiums that stood on the campus, three friends stood together. March had come had so quickly, bringing with it the cold and wet. Despite such a happy day, it was showering outside as if the reflect the tears on many of the students faces. For many this way goodbye.

Some friendships have expiry dates, graduation day.

Others would hold strong, bond together through three years of laughter, tears, victories, loses and secret shared in the dead of night.

It was hard to say in that moment if those three would share the former or latter of friendship. They had shared so much in the short three years. It was almost hard to believe that they had once all met in the smaller gym as new members to Karasuno's volleyball team.

"I promise this won't be goodbye."

'You can't promise such things."

'Don't be a cry baby. I will promise these thing cause they're true."

"Daichi..."

The former captain look at his two best friends in the world and thought back to when they met. Suga hadn't changed much, he was still full of spirit and kinder then what seemed possible. Asahi had grown too much, but was still the timid goofball he had always loved. He loved both of them and despite his promise there was a fear. Was this the end?

He wondered if it would be the same with Shimizu too. He had grown to love her as well. These were his friends and they were all going their separate ways. Daichi himself was going off to the University of Tokyo, Sugawara to Kyoto and Asahi who had turned 18 before any of them was still deciding. There would be a four hour distance between all of them not considering Shimizu who was going to the University of Ottawa as an international student.

"I promise..."

His voice gave. The weight of the words seemed too much.

Some friendships have expiry dates and even though they had all been through so much, there was still doubt.

Things die off and fade away so easily.


	2. Chapter 1

It all ended and it began in March.

8 years passed by so quickly for Sugawara and with it memories faded away. In their last March together they had been all fresh from the Nationals. Now it felt like dream, one which he would look back on with nostalgia.

Sometimes in the brief moments he'd have in the middle of a shift or when he was relaxing on his sofa back at his apartment he'd remember the last match they all played together or the hijinks that would always seem to happen in the club room. Sometimes it was the memories of Hinata smiles or Kageyama's limited insult vocabulary. He'd often catch himself smiling at the thought of Nishinoya or Ennoshita. More often than not they were directed at Daichi, Asahi, Shimizu and Michimiya.

They had all kept in contact in one way or another. Daichi had gone off to Tokyo and now was working as an accountant for some company. Kiyoko went briefly off to Canada to study but came back to become a nutritionist. Those two he had no trouble keeping up with mostly because they had stayed in the Tokyo prefecture. Asahi was of course another story.

Suga had gone off to Kyoto to study cognitive neuroscience and after his course had ended he had gotten a fellowship at The University of Tokyo Hospital. All seemed good.

It was in the middle of March though when it all began again.

"I'm planning on proposing to Yui."

Suga who had been in the middle of drinking gasped hard and the result of course was expected.

"You couldn't have waited a moment to tell me that," he choked out between coughs. Daichi merely laughed at his friend.

"Sorry I wanted to get that off the list of things to talk about."

There was a pause. The restaurant they were in was already busy with students waiting between classes or doctors from the nearby hospital on break. The chatter filled the place, but in the booth where they sat there seemed to be a bubble of silence.

"Are you sure?"

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life," Daichi responded with a smile. He shoved a forkful of food into his mouth before continuing. "We've been official for almost 4 years now. I'm sure she's expecting me to drop down on one knee soon enough."

"Daichi..."

"I know."

They continued to eat, a smile placed on Suga's face. Despite the years that had gone by, Daichi didn't seem to change too much. Still there was something there that hadn't been there before.

"That reminds me, have you heard from Asahi lately?"

He laughed, "How does me proposing remind you Asahi."

"I was just thinking how you've gotten so much softer and it reminded me of you teasing him," Suga replied with a smile. Daichi shook his head.

"To be quite honest, not really. Last time I talked to him was 2 months ago. You know he got sent off on some peacekeeping thing."

"Ah yes. I suppose I should be calling him 2nd Lieutenant Azumane now shouldn't I?"

How could he forget. Asahi had been deployed almost 3 years ago on a peacekeeping mission in Syria. Sometimes on Facebook he would see pictures of his old friend smiling with other soldiers. It was weird to see them, for some reason (not some reason, a very specific reason). Suga could only imagine him in his volleyball jersey with his hair done up in a bun not donned in uniform with short hair. It made him look too grown up despite the fact they were all 26 now.

"Yeah that's what we were talking about actually. He got promoted a year into his tour or something and that his deployment period was almost up. Said he might come straight back to Japan."

"You're kidding me! Man it feels like ages I've seen him."

"It's been ages since we've all been in the same room together. Like 5 years?"

"Yeah 5 years."

Lunch ended with reminiscing and Suga rushing back to the hospital. For the rest of his shift, Suga would casually remember moments he had spent with his best friends. Training camp shone the brightest. He had been like a proud mother watching all his little crows learning new techniques. It had also been a time where the three had practised together for hours into the night. Tosses, spikes and receives.

In the night, as the city which had been so busy during the day changed with new life Suga looked on Facebook at an old life. Scrolling through his timeline he looked at old photos and would occasionally laugh at dumb post that had posted on his wall and smile sadly at others.

Every so often his Skype would call to him and he would respond back as quickly as possible.

More often then not it was Tanaka and Noya in the silly group chat they made with the old Karasuno team having a meme war.

"Idiots," he whispered to himself as he watched more and more messages pop up of Tumblr screenshots and disgustingly old memes shot at the other person.

Some people never change.

He turned his attention back to the Facebook when he was struck with an idea. Quickly, Suga made his way to Asahi's wall and scrolled through to find a photo of him in uniform. He looked so different. It was obvious that his hair was no longer mid shoulder length like it had been in their final year. There was no smile on his face, just a solemn look. He still had the goatee though he looked more stubbly then before.

Some people do change though.

He kept scrolling.

Three days passed by since his luncheon with Daichi when a familiar sound from his computer sent him reeling.

 _[Asahi]: Hey_

Suga sat there in his apartment looking at the message. Such a simple thing and yet it shocked him. It took a moment to reply back.

 _[Koushi]: Hey whats up!_

 _[Koushi]: Man it feels like forever since Ive talked to you lol_

By the time the second message sent through, Suga had his face in his hands. It almost felt awkward to talk to him.

 _[Asahi]: I know! Every time I try to message you I get busy its staring to get ridiculous_

 _[Asahi]: Its even harder when you don't have steady access to wifi lol_

 _[Asahi]: Im okay. Its hot as hell here._

 _[Koushi]: I can only imagine. What time is it there?_

 _[Asahi]: 4:53pm. Theres a 6 hr difference (＾▽＾)_

Suga gave a loud snort at the emoticon and continued.

 _[Koushi]: Its that earlier? Shouldn't you be out keeping the peace or whatever you do_

 _[Asahi]: Whatever I do is kind of done now_

 _[Asahi]: That's why I have time for once to message you_

 _[Koushi]: Wait what?_

 _[Asahi]: During one of my squads missions if you want to call it that we kind of got hit and yeah_

 _[Asahi]: I kind of got shot ｡(*^▽^*)ゞ_

 _[Koushi]: （・□・；）_

 _[Asahi]: Yeah..._

 _[Koushi]: ARE YOU OKAY!_

 _[Asahi]: Im okay. Its serious enough that me and two other guys are getting sent home. Not that it matters too much. I mean I only had 3 weeks left so..._

 _[Asahi]: My mom freaked out when she heard I was coming home then freaked out some more when she learnt why lol_

 _[Koushi]: Where did you get hit?_

Minutes passed and there was no response.

 _[Koushi]: PLEASE REPLY YOURE MAKING ME NERVOUS OMG_

 _[Koushi]: (;´Д`)_

 _[Koushi]: Asahi please_

 _[Asahi]: Sorry I had to sign some stuff. Documents and shit_

 _[Asahi]: I got hit right in my right side just below my large intestine_

 _[Asahi]: No iternal organs I needed were destroyed_

 _[Asahi]: *internal_

 _[Asahi]: I ruptured my appendix though so that was fun_

 _[Koushi]: I don't hear from you in months and you drop this one me_

 _[Koushi]: I thought we were friends lol_

 _[Koushi]: Im glad it wasn't anything serious. When will you be home?_

 _[Asahi]: End of the week_

 _[Asahi]: I still have some stuff I have to do so I got to go. Ill actually call you tomorrow if I can_

 _[Asahi]: Have a good night my indomitable server_

Koushi smiled at the old nickname. One that only Asahi had ever used on him.

 _[Koushi]: Goodnight 2nd Lieutenant Ace!_

 _[Asahi]: Its 1st Lieutenant Ace to you lol_

 _Asahi Azumane is now offline_

Sugawara sat back in his chair and read over the chat again and again and again. It was surreal. Asahi was coming home. He got shot, but he was coming home!

It only took seconds before he texted Daichi about it. Waiting for a reply he went back to Skype again, this time to the group chat.

 _[Koushi]: Guess who I just talked to?_

A pause.

 _[Yuu]: idk who?_

 _[Ryuu]: who?_

 _[Chikara]: I have a feeling_

 _[Koushi]: Okay first_

 _[Koushi]: It was Asahi_

 _[Yuu]: HOLY SHIT ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I THOUGHT HE HAD ISSUES LIKE GETTING WIFI AND STUFF_

 _[Yuu]: WHICH KIND OF IS A SHITTY EXCUSE SINCE HE COULD LIKE CALL ? ? !_

 _[Ryuu]: He straight up told you once he hates doing it cause sometimes its hard to get reception and he feels awkward talking on the phone_

 _[Ryuu]: And don't say otherwise I was there_

 _[Ryuu]: BUT YOU TALKED TO HIM THAT'S AWESOME_

 _Shouyou Hinata is now online_

 _[Yuu]: Yo Hinata guess who Suga talked to_

 _[Shouyou]: Was it you?_

 _[Yuu]: No it was Asahi!_

 _[Shouyou]: THAT'S AWESOME_

 _[Koushi]: Let me finish okay_

 _[Koushi]: I talked to him for maybe an hour. He apparently got wounded and is coming home 3 weeks earlier. He said he should be home by the end of the week!_

 _[Chikara]: Is he okay!_

 _[Chikara]: also my feeling was right_

 _[Koushi]: Apparently his appendix ruptured but nothing else got hurt._

 _[Shouyou]: I just texted Kageyama. He said that we should get together then and play a set or two!_

 _[Ryuu]: OMG YES_

 _[Yuu]: YES PLEASE_

 _[Daichi]: A ruptured appendix means surgery guys I don't think hed be in the mood to play_

 _[Chikara]: Daichi san_

 _[Koushi]: Plus he got shot on top of that so if his appendix didn't do the thing he still couldn't play_

 _[Shouyou]: true_

 _[Ryuu]: Anything else Suga?_

 _[Koushi]: He said he might call me but that was it. Im sure I'll get another message with more detail._

 _[Daichi]: Oh this is exciting! Don't tell him, but I missed that goofball_

 _[Yuu]: Same_

 _[Ryuu]: Okay noya we get it, you still have a crush on him_

 _[Yuu]: I am literally in the next room, don't think I wont come over there and kick your ass_

 _[Ryuu]: Are your legs even long enough?_

 _Yuu Nishinoya is now offline_

 _[Ryuu]: Oh no_

"So what exactly is going on?"

It was during his lunch break that Suga had gotten the call he waited for all day. Asahi had sounded tired and slightly raspy, but never the less like how he remembered.

"I'm being sent home on Monday with my mates. I've got a place already set up and ready to go. My plane should land at 8:25pm Japan time." There was a pause. "I'm so excited."

"So am I! Oh man I'm taking you out to eat when you get back," Suga said quickly before shoving some leftovers into his mouth.

"Yeah. I can't wait to leave. I'm so sick and tired of sand and nonsense. I mean the locals are so nice, but still. I finally understand where Anakin Skywalker was coming from."

"Seriously? Asahi you are such a nerd."

"Star Wars has been seen by millions. Chill."

Suga gave a laugh. "Maybe we could watch that when you come back. Finally bring me to the dark side of whatever."

"Sugawara please. I'm not going to make you into a Sith Lord, I'll just introduce you to the best thing in the world."

The conversation changed quickly from that to Suga's internship. This went on for a few minutes more before the doctor Suga was shadowing came into cut it short. He felt slightly bitter having to let Asahi go. It almost as if with his friends return had breathed new life into him.

The trio could be a trio once more and it was exhilarating! The day didn't seem to drag on like it normally did and nor the next.

And soon it was Monday.

"You honestly don't have to wait at the airport for me," Asahi had said to him over speakerphone the night before. Daichi sat next to him and spoke next.

"It's been five years. We miss the hell out of you. Well more Koushi and Nishinoya. Still."

Asahi laughed loudly causing the audio the warp slightly. "Admit it, you missed me."

"When hell freezes over."

"Hell isn't freezing over anytime soon. Its too damn hot that's for sure."

Koushi had sat there stunned for a second as had Daichi. The implication wasn't hard to miss. It stuck with them as the conversation went on and ended as did the night.

"He's probably seen some stuff,' Daichi had finally whispered at some point. The thought that had been aching Suga felt too real now. "I suppose we can't expect him to be the same you know?"

"Yeah."

For 8 years Sugawara watched his friends change not really realizing what it all meant. It was small changes like Hinata's small growth and the slight smiles you could catch from Tsukishima that weren't dripping in sarcasm.

It took 8 years for Koushi Sugawara to realize that these changes meant everything was really different. The worst part was it hadn't truly hit him just yet.

* * *

 ** _An:_**

 _Reviews are much appreciated!_

 _I won't know if I'm doing good or bad without them so yeah_


	3. Chapter 2

"It so good to see you two!"

Haneda Airport's crowd had died down by the time the plane had landed. Daichi and Suga had raced as fast as possible to the lobby only to be greeted with two very familiar figures.

Asahi mother had gone more grey in the years since they'd last seen her plus there were more wrinkles around her eyes and yet she still smiled the same and gripped them as hard as she could into a hug like she had always done before.

"It's good to see you too ma'am," Daichi responded with a grin. Between the three friends, they would frequent Daichi and Asahi's place. Daichi's mom had once joking said that she felt as if she had adopted 2 new children and though Asahi's mother never said such a thing it felt as if she had.

She pulled away and held them at arms length, taking in the sight of them both. Her face was bright and for a moment it looked as if 8 years hadn't passed by. The other woman smiled as well. Asahi's sister, Kimiko. Didn't look like she changed much herself despite having shorter hair and she now wore bright red glasses.

"Daichi, I told you, you can call me by my first name. Calling me ma'am makes me feel old," Midori said with a laugh. She smiled with her eyes closed like she had always done when she was see them walking into her home after volleyball practice.

"Mom you are old."

Midori gave her daughter a gentle slap on the shoulder. "Hush, let me pretend for a moment will you."

Suga couldn't stop smiling. It felt so weird in the best of ways to be in their company again. Like remembering a dream from your childhood.

"Hi Suga. Hey Daichi. How are you guys?" Kimiko said with a small smile. Suga took back what he thought before. The loud young woman was definitely gone and had been replaced. It was evident by her even tone.

"Surviving at best. Work is still work and a lot of us still get together to play volleyball."

"The only difference now," Suga added. "Is now we can go out for drinks afterwards."

"Well seems like not much has changed then. Besides the legal drinking."

Her mother gave her a side glance which wasn't missed.

"Mom, come one you think I was the one drinking your stuff all by myself. These boys helped out a bit."

Daichi coughed out a laugh, embarrassed. "Kimiko stop. I have a reputation to uphold. I was the responsible one."

"HA. Out of you three, Koushi was the only one who avoided it. You still like that?"

Suga looked to his feet and smiled. "Maybe."

"Good, you'll have a very healthy liver then." She pulled out her phone and looked at the time. "The plane arrived 5 minutes ago so we should be seeing this punk soon enough. God it's been ages. When I see him I'm going to hug and suplex him."

Her mother gave her another look. "Why suplex him?"

"Because I can't let him know I've gone soft."

The conversation stayed light and continued onto what they were all doing now. Midori had been happy to hear about Suga's fellowship and Daichi's employment. She was still a translator for a major business and Kimiko was now working in a psychiatrist office as one of the other doctors.

"Weren't you interested in sex therapy for a bit there," Daichi had asked at one point.

"Oh my god yeah you were. I remember you embarrassing your brother with it too."

"Yes I was and technically I specialize in relationship counselling," she responded with a straight face. "That does include sex."

"Would it-"

Suga punched him hard in the shoulder. "Don't you dare ask something stupid."

His friend looked at him with mocked shock. "What was that for."

"Don't," was all he responded with, holding a straight face that cracked into a smile.

That's when three men walked into the lobby. All of them wore the pale green uniforms. When one of them made eye contact with Suga his face went from a soft look of shock to a large smile.

"ASAHI!" his mother cried out. She went running to him and they watched as he gripped and lifted her into a hug. Tears streaming down both of their faces.

One of the other soldiers patted Asahi on the shoulder, said something, saluted then left to go join his own family. Asahi had let go of his mother at this point and time and saluted the man back. He turned his attention back to the group waiting for him.

Suga couldn't seem to stop smiling. After so long it seemed surreal to see his friend again.

Asahi made his way over, hobbling slightly. He hugged his sister and despite her promises earlier, she didn't suplex him, but rather cried softly into his shoulder as he rubbed her back to comfort her. Daichi took bear hug, gripping too hard around his middle making him yelp in pain.

"Sorry," he had said as he lessened his hold around Asahi. "I forgot."

Asahi smiled. "Don't worry about it."

When Suga finally got his hands on Asahi he was crying. He held his friend as lightly as possible to not cause him any pain.

It was rare to hug Asahi back in high school. The ace would often shy away from any sort of physical contact, but in the rare instances where you could get a hug it was exactly like the one Suga was getting now. He had always been muscular, strong arms and legs came along with being a wing spiker and him being the strongest spiker on their team meant the obvious.

It was always shocking to be hugged by him just for the fact that you could feel how strong those arms were and yet they were unbelievable gentle. Asahi held Suga in the moment as if he were made of something fragile and breakable, but he could still feel the power in those arms.

Suga rested his chin on his shoulder, moving his fingers slightly on his back in almost disbelief. His friend was home. He was in the same room as his two best friends in the first time in years and it felt odd. Wonderfully odd, but odd never the less.

He pulled away and looked at Asahi to try and comprehend the situation. The photos on Facebook did him justice. His friend had always looked permanently tired, but now Asahi look exhausted. His goatee was more beard than anything else and he just looked more rougher then he remembered. The eyes were still the same though. Dull brown eyes still filled with warmth and the smallest of smiles painted on his face.

"Welcome home," was all Sugawara was able to choke out.

"It's good to be home," he gave a slightly crooked smile. "Wow... it really feels good to be home."

"It's hard to believe you're back," Daichi said wiping away the tears forming in his eyes. "Jesus, you're here. We are all here. Oh my god."

Daichi covered his face with his hands, hiding the fact that he was crying.

"Whose the cry baby now?" Asahi joked.

"Shut up. I'm just really happy."

He limped over to Daichi and squeezed his shoulder with a smile. "You're still a goofball in a big body!"

There was shocked look then laughter from Daichi, wiping away most of his tears. "You're not allowed to use my lines on me!"

They walked from the lobby out to the main hall of the airport. The entire time, Kimiko kept a steady hand on her brother. She barely spoke which was the smartest thing she could have done. Suga remembered how she was known for putting her foot in her mouth.

"I'll give you a call first thing in the morning okay?" Suga told Asahi as they made their way to the doors. "Spend tonight with your family."

Asahi gave a small smile. "You and Daichi are family too."

Daichi put his hand on his shoulder. "We appreciate that, but seriously. Your mom probably wants to spend as much time with you as possible."

"That's true," she added. Asahi gave a smile to his mother then looked back to his friends.

"First thing in the morning?"

"After I have my coffee. I will warn you, I'm up at 6am."

He gave a quick laugh. "I've been getting up at 5am every morning for that last 3 years. I'll survive."

And then he was gone. Daichi had given him a ride to the airport and driving back they talked about what had happened.

"He looks pretty shitty." Daichi had joked at one point.

"Did you see the other two, they didn't look that good either. They all came home cause they got injured well enough they couldn't serve anymore."

"Yeah, but this was a peacekeeping mission. They went overseas to help not to fight. I don't know it just seems off you know."

"There's been conflict in Syria for ages," Suga argued. "If they got caught up in something, its honestly not surprising."

There was a pause before Suga continued.

"We should have told him that we invited the entire team out tomorrow for drinks. They're going to eat him alive."

Daichi laughed loudly. "There's a reason I didn't say anything. He seems different, but I'd bet you anything if we told him he'd just work himself up like old times."

Suga tried to stifle his laughter. He could only imagine.

They sat in silence for a while longer, let radio fill the void.

"Daichi?"

"Hm."

"I was wondering, how exactly are you going to propose to Michimiya?"

A smile crossed his face. It was heartwarming to watch Daichi like this. He always seemed to get a bit softer when Yui is involved.

"I don't have anything concrete right now, but I have the ring."

"Really! Oh my god this actually happening," Suga covered his face briefly, blushing with happiness. "My baby is growing up this is so exciting."

"Koushi please."

"Look at you, trying to start a new life with someone. Oh this is adorable."

"Shut up!"

Suga gave a laugh and patted his friend on the shoulder. "I'm proud of you."

"Thanks mom." A pause. "There's something I've been wondering about. Something I'd like to ask."

"Go ahead son."

Daichi pulled up to the curve in front of Suga's apartment building. He looked to his friend with a slightly shy look on his face.

"Koushi, if Yui says yes-"

"Which she will."

"Hopefully, but don't interrupt just for a moment."

"Okay."

"Could you be my best man?"

There was a stunned silence before Suga launched himself at Daichi, enveloping in the tightest hug.

"Of course!"

Daichi returned the hug. "Thank you."

It hit Suga once again in that moment, just how much things were changing. It stayed with him when he left the car, as he entered his apartment and turned on his computer.

It felt as if everyone had moved to some aspect in their lives. Daichi was going to propose (Suga knew with confidence Yui would say yes as she had recently confided in him that she'd wish Daichi would hurry up and ask her), Kiyoko was also in a relationship; she and Yachi had been a couple for a little longer then Daichi and Yui. Even the tiny first years had grown up, Hinata and Kageyama had achieved the impossible by playing as official members of the Japan's Nation Volleyball team. Yamaguchi had a year left of veterinary medicine and was in a relationship with Tsukishima (which came as no surprise when they had announced it a year ago). Tsukishima was also moving forward, his personality being the biggest as it seemed to have changed from snarky asshole to asshole with a heart of gold.

Everyone was moving forward and there was Sugawara, still stuck. He felt no different than the mother crow everyone joked him to be watching his little hatchlings grow up and fly away.

It was scary.

True to his word, Suga called Asahi the second he got coffee into his system.

"We'll go out for drinks tonight. Daichi didn't want to tell you, but we've invited everyone out. The old team you know?"

"I see," the sound of shuffling.

'Don't get nervous, they really wanted to see you. Tanaka and Noya especially. It's been longer for them hasn't it?"

"I suppose so. I don't know, time doesn't feel real," there was a pause. "I'm just not excited to be hugged and touched. I know they'll do and I'll let them but I won't like it too much."

"Asahi," Suga spoke with exasperation. He shifted his weight quickly before continuing. "If you don't like it tell them."

"I won't," his was went quiet. "It'd seem to mean if I did."

"Well don't let them push you too far okay? If you feel real uncomfortable just say so. Maybe let them know before they hug you that you're still hurting. They'll be more gentle."

Asahi chuckled slightly and then there was a sigh. He could see it now, Asahi was probably rubbing his face trying to think of how to respond. It was easy sometimes to anticipate the man.

"Suga, I don't want them to treat me as if I'm broken either."

Such simple words and yet it broke his heart. There was a part of him that felt bad as Suga felt like he had tried to handle his friend as if he was slightly broken. He always treated him as something broken or ready to break. His comment made Suga wonder if Asahi had noticed that.

"They'll see you as someone who is healing. Broken and injured are two different things you goof."

Again a light chuckle could be heard from the other end. "I guess you're right. What time and what's the place?"

After that, the day seemed to drag on despite anticipation. It seemed as if there were too much paperwork to go over, too many nurses to bother for test results and too many second in a minute to an hour and so forth.

It was exhausting.

When his shift finally ended at 7pm, he rushed home as soon as possible fidgeting the entire time on the bus home.

By the time he got home it was 8. Quickly he showered and dressed up casually. As he went to grab his jean jacket (it looked good okay, not like 80's mom jean jacket) his hand brushed his old volleyball jacket. With his hand reached out and gripping the one he want, he paused. The idea of change passed through him again. Trying to brush it away, he grabbed the jacket and went rushing out the door.

* * *

 _ **AN:**_

 _Its done ( •̀ᄇ• ́)ﻭ✧ man I haven't written this much in forever but the nice comments I've been getting really pumped me up you know_

 _I feel like this isn't going anywhere real fast but don't worry next chapter you'll meet everyone for sure!_


	4. Chapter 3

_**Sent To: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡***_

 _[text]: Ill met you outside the bar okay_

 _[text]: you know just so you don't go in and get assaulted by noya or hinata lol_

 _[text]: not that they would but like if they do I cant act as a human meat shield_

 _**Received from: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: id appreciate that lol_

 _[text]: you almost there?_

 _**Sent To: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: two stops away taking the bus_

 _**Received From: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: okay ill take my time walking then_

 _[text]: thought I should stretch my legs im still a bit jet lagged lol_

 _**Sent To: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: okay see you soon!_

Suga stared down at his little phone before flipping it shut. There was a slight feeling of anxiety that was crawling through him; he didn't feel ready for this reunion. Not everyone could make it though. While Friday nights were an amazing time to go out and partying, Tuesdays were vicious. He knew Tsukishima couldn't make it since he was working late and Kinoshita was sick. Still this was going to be the first time in ages since the old team would be all together.

They'd all changed.

It nagged at him, how he was still stuck in what seemed like an endless loop. Yes, he wasn't some kid in high school anymore, but still the more he thought about it what difference was there from Karasuno's #2 and Dr. Koushi Sugawara? He had a PH.D, he lived on his own, he paid he own goddamn bills and yet nothing had changed. Still the same smile, same haircut, same thoughts.

Trying to shake away this feeling, he quickly opened his phone again.

 _**Sent To: *✲ﾟ*Captain*✲ﾟ***_

 _[text]: are you there yet?_

 _**Received From: *✲ﾟ*Captain*✲ﾟ*** _

_[text]: Yeah I am we're just waiting on Shimizu rn_

 _**Sent To: *✲ﾟ*Captain*✲ﾟ*** _

_[text]: well remind aka noya not to crowd asahi too quickly_

 _[text]: and not to over do it with the drinking_

 _[text]: I s2g if I have to deal with a drunk noya I will hit someone_

 _**Received From: *✲ﾟ*Captain*✲ﾟ*** _

_[text]: Arent you suppose to be a nice person? Nvm bad day?_

 _**Sent To: *✲ﾟ*Captain*✲ﾟ*** _

_[text]: bad in the sense it kept dragging on ε=(｡ˇo ˇ｡）_

 _**Received From: *✲ﾟ*Captain*✲ﾟ*** _

_[text]: Aww poor baby. Don't worry if we get enough shots into you youll forget it_

 _**Sent To: *✲ﾟ*Captain*✲ﾟ*** _

_[text]: true_

He shut his phone again and quickly reached for the yellow cord and yanked it. He got off and quickly took in a lung full of the cold, spring night.

It was a minute walk before he made it to the bar. It was smaller, but that meant less of a crowd. On the 'rare' weekend, sometimes they'd all get together and play a set or two and come to the bar afterwards. The rarity of the weekends only applied to playing volleyball. Almost every Saturday night they'd spend the night drink and being young idiots. It was enough that the owner knew them by name.

Like he had promised, Suga waited outside. He leaned up against the wall of the building next to the bar. Waiting was hard, harder then it normally was as his thought kept wandering back to his situation. It bothered him how he couldn't move on from the nagging thoughts. Another thing he was stuck in. Even his mind didn't feel safe.

"I hope you weren't waiting long!"

Suga turned his head and smiled quickly. No surprise, but Asahi was still limping a bit and looked tired as hell. His face was cleaned shaved though and his hair seemed less dishevelled.

"Not too long I promise," he responded as he made his way to his friend. "You look better."

They stop before each other and Asahi gave a toothy grin. "Are you saying I looked horrible yesterday? Rude."

"Not like that. Like you look like you got sleep. And cleaner. I like you more with a goatee then a beard."

He looked away, still smiling yet blushing. "Thanks." Asahi looked back, staring intently into Suga's eyes, worry etched in his own. "So shall we?"

A smile played upon Suga's lips. He gently touched his arm before speaking. "Only if you're up to it."

"Tch like I have a choice. If I don't go in, I disappoint all of them. Then Daichi gets mad. I'm still scared of him too."

"Really," Suga responded, laughing. "After all this time? You really are wimp."

Worry was replaced with a fond look. "He bullied me Suga. He may not be the scariest thing that's happened to me, but he will always be in the top 5."

"Oh my god. Suck it up and come on in you big baby. I promised to be your meat shield remember? That applies to verbal assault too."

"Thank you Koushi."

He shivered slightly at that. It was always odd hearing his first name from anyone except Daichi.

Stepping into the bar, Suga was instantly hit with warmth and a soft orange glow. There was casual chatter from all corners of the place and instantly was able to pick up on his friends voices. Daichi was the first to notice their presence, looking away from Yui. He smile and waved them over.

They didn't even make it a single step.

"ASAHI!" Nishinoya cried out. He ran over and Suga instantly turned to face Asahi who had right behind him. His eyes had gone wide and he paled slight. He didn't stop the smaller man from hugging him though, in fact he had opened his arms with a nervous smile. Like he had the day before, Asahi yelped out when Noya squeezed too hard. That was met with slew of apologizes and countered with no worries and it's alright.

Sugawara thank god that no one else got up from the table. Instead they were met with large smiles and Tanaka yelling at them to sit down. Suga made his way to the table with the two other men, Noya keeping his hand around Asahi's waist sputtering out how good it was to see him.

And that's how the night went on. No one seemed to really breach the subject of 'So what exactly did you do in Syria?' but rather focuses on how it was, was he glad to be back and what had happened to them in the three years he had been gone. It seemed to be too much for Asahi to process at times, his face scrunching up and rubbing his neck nervously.

That hadn't changed about him.

Sometimes, Asahi would look over to Suga and Daichi quickly with a slight look. He really didn't like being the centre of attention. That died down though eventually and the attention while still there wasn't as intense anymore. Suga took a long sip on his beer, listening to Kageyama go on about a somewhat embarrassing yet hilarious blunder of Hinata's during a recent practice. Every so often Hinata would interject with a tiny tidbit and that would make Kageyama smile.

Those two had changed for sure.

The night went on and Suga felt slightly tipsy by the time 10pm rolled around. 11pm he was pretty sure he was getting on the line of being drunk.

It was then that the subject was breached.

"You never did say what you did while in the Middle East."

It wasn't exactly something they all agreed to talk about, but rather something that just seemed a bit too soon to talk about. They'd all seen the news, it was to be blunt a shit storm. Soldiers died all the time and so did civilians. Bombings were common.

Kageyama's statement wasn't meant in malice, just curiosity. Still there was a slight shift in the atmosphere, all of them seemed to be holding their breaths waiting for a reaction. Kageyama was quick to apologize.

"I'm sorry I hope I didn't I over-"

"No it's fine!" He blurted out quickly, waving him down. "I... I can totally answer that if you really are curious. I mean, its fine I'm up to that for sure. No prob-"

"You're rambling," Daichi interrupted.

Asahi was quick to look down and shut his mouth. There was a intensity in his eyes then, a mixture of shock, anxiety and something else Suga couldn't name.

"Basically," he almost whispered. "We were policing. Sometimes there would be attacks and we'd be there on the scene trying to help the civilians and stopping the threat. Japan's military hasn't been a proper military since World War Two but rather a defence force, helping employ peace in areas of the world that need it. I worked close with American, Canadian and French UN peacekeepers for a good period of time."

The pause was impregnable yet so fragile, for a moment Suga wondered if he would continue.

Asahi looked from his lap to the rest of the table again, a light smile place on his face. "There's not much more to say. It was very basic."

The mood was back and chatter began to seep its way back to the table. There was a strange feeling to Asahi now and to everyone's credit, they left him alone.

It was almost midnight when they decide to wrap it up.

As they were wishing each other goodbye and leaving, Asahi grabbed Suga by the arm.

"You don't live to far do you?"

"It's a 5 minute bus ride but its like 45 minutes to walk home."

"I see..."

A pause. There was an implication behind his words that wasn't making its way to Suga's muddled mind. Then it clicked.

"I feel like walking through."

Twenty minutes passed before Asahi spoke up.

"I knew they'd treat me like I'm broken."

"You're not broken," was all that Suga could respond with. He really couldn't think properly. His body felt tingly and floaty and his mind was making connections like normal.

"What if I am?" He whispered. Suga shook his head.

"You're not."

"Suga..."

"You're just weird not broken."

Asahi chuckled softly. "Thanks Sugawara."

"Yep."

Silence again.

"Suga?"

"Yep."

"Things really are different aren't they."

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"You're getting nostalgic," Suga turned to punch him softly on the shoulder. "Things are always different. Tomorrow will be different and the day after that. Did you honestly think three years would pass and things would remain frozen."

"Its... its not like that. Everyone seems different. The world feel different. I feel..."

"You feel what," Suga responded briskly. He felt bad for seeming rude, but had a feeling where this conversation was going and he did feel as if he could help. That helplessness turned into frustration directed at Asahi real fast.

"I feel like I've woken up from some hellish dream to find that life is too different and I'm still me, but not in a good way."

That resonated deep in him.

"Suga I feel stuck."

It took everything for him not to cry out 'Me too!'. Instead he remained quiet.

"Suga-"

"Give it time."

"What?"

He stopped then and looked up with an angry expression.

"You just got back. Give it time and just wait. Y-you... fuck... You need to assess where you are and go from there. God I don't know I'm just spewing out nonsense. Fuck me. I just... okay lets just keep walking."

And they did. There was silence till they reach Suga's apartment building. As he walked up to the door Asahi spoke out.

"I don't think I have time to give."

Sugawara turned to look back at his friend. He took in what he saw and he saw someone who was just tired.

"What makes you say that?"

"I feel... Suga I feel like time is frozen like I don't have time to give and nothing to gain. Like I honestly feel awkward and weird in this state."

Suga sighed. "Its takes a while to get use to life again. Look just take your time and let things hit you slowly. Change is inevitable and it will happen to you again. You were a world away in a situation none of us will experience. Just relax and go with the flow."

If only he could take his own advice.

Asahi didn't answer back. He just stood there solemn looking down at his feet before meeting Suga's eyes. He stayed quiet, just brown eyes gazing into hazel ones. It seemed slightly too intimate and Suga just had to break the moment.

"I'm sorry Asahi, I can't give you advice."

"Cause you don't understand my situation?"

A voice screamed I am in your situation, but his mouth had other plans.

"No cause I shouldn't have let Daichi hand me all those drinks. I'm so fucking drunk."

The solemn look was gone and replaced by a slight crooked smile.

"Goodnight Koushi."

He returned the smile softly.

"Goodnight Asahi."

It wasn't till he hit his bed when he realized something. That unnameable look that Asahi had after talking. It had been anger. How strange.

* * *

 ** _AN:_**

 _Sorry this chapter is slightly short!_

 _So now things are happening isnt that something and look the title of the fanfic made it into the story so earlier on, what is this ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯_


	5. Chapter 4

Back when they had been at summer camp in their third year, Daichi had jokingly said that no matter what how much you improved youd hate yourself for not improving enough. Those words had resonated with Suga as they failed every time to synchronize.

That hate was nothing compared to the hate he had for himself for drinking so much.

He knew he was going to suffer, but waking up at 3 in the morning wishing for death was a holy level of suffering he had never imagined. Groggily he brought his pounding head up from his pillow and grabbed his phone.

 _**Received From: Tanaka 3** _

_[text]: Youre coming to lunch with me today_

Suga looked at the message with bleary eyes. Lunch? He didn't want to touch food at all thanks to the vomitty feeling in the pit of his stomach. Never the less he texted back quickly.

 _**Sent To: Tanaka 3**_

 _[text]: As long as its nowhere greasy or loud Im good_

He dragged himself off of the comfy mattress and into the shower; turning the water so hot it could burn skin and punch sobriety into him.

When he got out there was a message.

 _**Received From: Tanaka 3** _

_[text]: Sure thing_

 _[text]: Ill take you to that café with those sandwiches you like_

 _**Sent To: Tanaka 3** _

_[text]: awesome ill let you know when I go on break_

Suga looked down at him phone if he could survive till lunch. It wasn't uncommon for the two to just randomly go out. Back before Hinata and Kageyama, before they became soaring crows once more and after Asahi and Noya left the team for their own reasons, Suga had found solace and companionship in Tanaka.

Hell, it was easy to say they became close friends despite the opposite in personalities. That changed as time went on. Ryuu had become more quieted in recent years, but that didn't mean the fire in him had quieted any. He was still full of life as he had been back in high school.

Just as he was leaving the apartment, he got another message.

 _**Received From: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: you alive?_

 _**Sent To: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: barely_

 _[text]: I feel like I got hit in the face with one of your spike_

 _[text]: remember that one time you ruin hinata with a spike and you almost cried_

 _[text]: good times_

 _**Received From: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: random but okay_

 _[text]: I just wanted to make sure you were okay you seemed pretty sloppy last night that's all_

 _[text]: also sorry for that bullshit I spewed out im an idiot_

It took a moment for Suga to get what Asahi was saying. The in hit him.

"Suga I feel stuck."

He gulped loudly, walking to the bus stop. It wasn't till he was seated on the bench that he texted back.

 _**Sent To: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: its fine like I said before youre probably thrown off from being back_

 _[text]: just wait and adjust yourself_

The bus came then.

 _[text]: asahi we all feel stuck at some point or time_

He was halfway to the hospital when he got a text back.

 _**Received From: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡***_

 _[text]: thanks_

 _[text]: are you doing anything fun today?_

 _**Sent To: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: lunch with tanaka and work (◞‸◟；)_

 _[text]: are you up to anything?_

 _**Received From: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: I have some loose ends to tie up from my tour so that mean going in and signing documents and discussing if Im willing to go for another round_

 _[text]: then Im going to lunch with Daichi which should be fun_

 _[text]: I think the worst part about today is the fact I have to talk to my commanding officer and I have to be uni_

 _[text]: the stuff we wear in combat is heavy but okay the formal stuff makes me feel stiff lol_

Suga smiled down at the message. He had gotten a taste of Asahi in the formal wear. It looked good on him.

 _**Sent To: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡***_

 _[text]: don't go to lunch in uniform daichi might not appreciate that_

 _**Received From: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: you don't have to tell me twice lol_

 _[text]: before I forget you want to grab drinks sometime_

 _[text]: not tonight but whenever youre free_

 _**Sent To: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: sounds good Im free this friday night_

 _**Received From: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: awesome! Im looking forward to it then_

 _[text]: the same time and place as before?_

 _**Sent To: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: okay_

 _[text]: Im now looking forward to friday only two days_

 _[text]: have fun with daichi_

 _**Received From: ✧ ✰ ｡*Asahi✧ ✰ ｡*** _

_[text]: Ill try_

Lunch turned out to be pretty tame. Obviously he wasn't expecting strippers and drinks, yet there was always a part of him expecting something big out of Tanaka. What he got instead was casual conversation and the chance to quench his craving for tomato soup.

"Is it true that Daichi's thinking of getting down on one knee or is that just a stupid thing he told me while drunk?"

Suga smiled. "No he's serious about it. He doesn't have a plan yet, but he is going to do it. Honestly knowing him he probably already has it figured out.

"HA probably. Man I couldn't imagine getting married yet. I mean me and Chikara having been going steady enough, but I still couldn't see that. Is that bad."

"Not entirely. Sometimes that stuff doesn't click till later... I suppose."

Tanaka thought on his words for a second. "I guess you're right. I mean we still haven't told everyone yet."

"Only me and Noya right?"

"And Narita. That's it. Man it's so weird being in a relationship. I wouldn't want to not be in one right now, but it's still weird after being single for long."

Suga kept eating his soup, listening to Tanaka talk about his relationship. He would talked when needed be, but he stayed in his thoughts more or less.

'That's another thing that change,' a voice whispered inside of him. 'You're lonely and everyone has someone.'

That was true. Out of all his friends he was the only one to have never gone past a second date. Even Hinata had been in a relationship for a while. Sure quite a few of them were still single, but they had in some ways made a connection to another person. Before Chikara, Ryuu had even been dating a neighbor in the apartment building he use to live in before deciding to room with Noya.

Suga on the other hand had become the King of One Nightstands. He was pretty sure he did the walk of shame more the a dozen and a half times.

The tomato soup suddenly became to hard to swallow.

"Wait what?"

Working late thanks to the doctor he was suppose to be shadowing giving him more test results and what not to go over, Suga got a call.

"Are you going deaf?"

"No Daichi, I'm just not a hundred percent sure I heard what you said correctly."

There was a heavy sigh. "Seriously."

"Say it again."

"She said yes."

Suga smiled hard looking down at a chart. Happiness bubbled inside of him.

"Congratulations! How did it go?"

"It went pretty good. Asahi called me a bitch today for procrastinating this so I made up my mind quickly."

Suga laughed loudly at that. "Continue. Oh my god this is exciting."

"Okay. So I said to Yui 'let's go out tonight' and she said yes. We went out to that little sushi place she loves so much and then we took a walk around Yoyogi since the cherry blossoms are starting to open now. So I said a ton of mushy stuff and got down on one knee. The rest is history."

"I'm really tempted right now to ditch work and go give you a hug. Man I'm so happy for you. This is amazing!"

"I guess so. I'm calling my parents next and she's talking to hers." Daichi paused and then whispered happily. "I cant believe this is happening holy shit, Suga I'm getting married."

He laughed at how cute Daichi was being. It made him immensely happy to see his friend happy.

"I'll let you go then. If its okay with you Ill text Asahi about it. I'm sure he'd want to know too."

"Heh yeah probably. Tell him I said thank you for calling me a bitch. I'll talk to you later."

"Next time we go out for I need more details. Call me in the morning if you can. Goodnight and congrats Daichi. Send Yui my love."

"Deal and will do. Night Koushi."

Suga was quickly to locate Asahi's number and pressed call. A few rings and there was a tired voice on the other end.

"Hello?"

"I didn't wake you did I?"

"Nah just was," a yawn. "Watching some stuff. What's up?"

"Daichi says thanks for calling him a bitch."

"So he actually did it?"

"Yeah she said yes. I won't go into details I'm sure he'll call you in the morning about it or something. Just thought you'd like to know that's all."

There was shuffling on the other side, sounded like a blanket. "Yeah I'm glad to hear that. I'm happy." Another yawn. "That's amazing!"

Suga quickly signed the last test result and threw it into the finished pile. "I did wake you didn't I."

"I was falling asleep watching a short documentary on our lovely country. Trust me I appreciate the call."

"Don't tell me it was the history of Japan video?"

'It was the history of Japan video."

Suga sighed loudly. "First Star Wars and now this You and Noya are nerds. He's obsessed with it. He repeats lines from it all the time."

"Don't hate on Star Wars, I'm getting you into that as soon as possible I promise. Blame him, he sent it to me."

"God you two are such nerds. You guys would have been great together."

Nervous laughter. "Suga no. He's my friend. It'd be like dating Daichi. I like him but I would want to bang him."

Suga squeaked at his bluntness. "Really? Everyone had been taking bets if you two would have ended up together. Noya had a crush on you."

"I know."

"Then why not go for it."

Silence.

"Asahi?"

"I thought about it. I decided I didn't like him like that. He was there for me when I needed someone and I appreciated that and he kept supporting me. We have a relationship built on mutual respect and love, but I'm not in love with him. We have a relationship like that, but you don't see people wanting us to get together."

"Fair... Makes sense. Our relationship is a bit different though. Secrets shared in the dead of night right."

"True enough. To be honest, I thought you and Daichi would have gotten together."

"Obviously we did," he replied with a laugh.

Asahi laughed too. "Yeah."

Suga had left the lab by this time and was halfway out the door.

"You seriously thought we were going to get together? I don't think Daichi swings that way."

"You never know. I didn't think you did."

"But you still expected it? And what do you mean you didn't think I did. Who said I did?"

"You guys were the parents of the team, I couldn't help it. And you just kind of did. You said Daichi doesn't but you never said yourself."

"That doesn't mean I'm gay Asahi."

"Bisexuality exists Suga."

Suga smiled and leaned against the bus shelter. "I guess I'm bi then."

"And I'm super gay. I'm glad we got this sorted out."

"I knew that. I remember we were practicing and you couldn't do straights-"

"And I yelled out I'm so gay I can even do straights properly oh my god I will never forget that. That has to be the awkwardest way to accidentally come out," he laughed. "Man those were the days weren't they?"

"Back when all we had to worry about was Aoba Johsai kicking our asses? Yeah that was pretty great."

There was a pause. "We should play sometime."

"You got shot Asahi. Give it some time before we play again."

"I missed that more than anything else you know."

"Getting shot?" He teased.

"Don't be a dick. I mean playing. I miss calling for your tosses."

"If only you felt that way after Dateko."

"I did."

Suga smiled fondly at that. "Good cause I missed tossing to you. I miss it now."

"Now you see why I'm so nostalgic and touchy feely."

"No."

"Smartass."

"Asahi?"

"Yeah."

"I really did miss you."

Suga could almost see him smile. It would be soft and his those dull brown eyes would flood with warmth. He really could see it.

"Good, cause not a day went by where I didn't think of you."

There was a flutter in his heart.

"I thought about everyone every single day," he continued. "But you and Daichi were always on my mind. In the small thing I would do."

For some reason including Daichi sent a feeling rolling through him. Jealousy almost.

"I can't say I thought of you everyday, but I was reminded of you in a lot of stuff."

He made sure not to include Daichi in the mix this time around. It struck as odd, but he brushed it off.

"Hmm."

"It's late Asahi, I'm sure you'd rather be in bed."

"I am in bed. Like all the way in bed. Pajamas and all. I could describe what Im wearing but that's would kind of borderline phone sex I would like you to at least buy me a drink first."

"Asahi you are such a idiot. Why is it you talk like this with me." That wasn't entirely false. Around Daichi and him, Asahi often opened more.

"Cause normally you make a joke back."

"I'll pay for only one drink on Friday, that's it. Goodnight."

"Night Suga. Sweet dreams."

"Thanks you too," and he hung up.

The fluttering was still there. It lasted as he rode the bus, as he opened his apartment door and flopped into bed.

He couldn't wait till Friday.

* * *

 _ **AN:**_

 _This honestly got so gay so quickly and i could stop it_

 _The next chapter was suppose to be when shit was going to get gay but nooo I couldnt help myself apparently_

 _Also, could you guys actually review this? Just let me know if Im doing this right or wrong cause honestly thats how this thing is going to get better..._


	6. Chapter 5

Just after lunch on Friday, Suga received a call.

"Feel like an asshole for doing this, but I have to cancel."

He had been in the middle of going over brain scans waiting for 7 to come and set him free. It nearly broke him to hear those words.

"Asahi are you okay," he asked throwing another folder into his 'done' pile. "Is there a reason?"

It felt like a stupid question after he said it, but he got an answer quickly.

"I woke up in a lot of pain and I took a shit ton of painkillers. I don't think going out drinking would be smart you know."

"I see..."

"If you really want to hang out though, you could over to my place and I'll pull out my star Wars box set."

Suga couldn't hold back laughter at that. "You have a box set? Oh my god you really are a nerd."

"My dad bought it for me okay shush. So you game?"

"I'm game," he said with a smile. "I need to watch this stupid thing so you can stop."

"Awesome! I'll give you the address then!"

Suga didn't know exactly what the expect. The last place Asahi lived was actually a nice place, balcony and all. This new place was smaller for sure.

When 7 had rolled around, Suga nearly raced out of the hospital, only making a quick pit stop to pick up some wine. There was no way in hell he wasn't at least drinking a bit tonight.

When he finally gotten to his friend's apartment and buzzed in, he was starting to get a nervous feeling in the pit of his belly. It had been years since they've been alone together truly. Outside the bar didn't count and Suga was trying to forget the walk home.

"Suga I feel stuck."

He shivered thinking about it. The desperate tone, how his eyebrows furrowed. It was all too much.

He tugged at his scarf quickly before knocking. He nearly jumped when it opened.

"Hey!"

"Hi Asahi."

Suga had been expecting him to look a bit dishevelled. Instead he was greeted with tired and stubble. He actually looked good considering he had been in enough pain to not want to go out. Even his hair had been combed out nicely.

"Come on in, make yourself at home," Asahi said leading him in. The place was nice, the kitchen being to the right of the door. He walked to the counter and placed the wine down.

"I thought it would be rude to come without at least a little some."

Asahi grabbed the bottle, turning it to get a good look at it.

"2010 Lindeman's Bin 90 Moscato? I'm not a huge fan of white, but I'll still drink this," he said placing back down on the counter. He was wearing a t-shirt, a tight one at that. Suga couldn't stop looking at him or those arms.

"Anyways," he continued. "I've got the movies and everything set up. We... we really don't have to watch it if you don't want to-"

"Asahi I brought the wine over so I could drink it and have a good time laughing at 80's CGI effects. We're doing this thing."

That brought a smile to his friend's face.

The movies didn't turn out to be too bad. Asahi had explained to him why they were walking the movies in a haphazard order ("New Hope first then Empire then we watch the prequels the Return of the Jedi. Trust me, there logic behind it.") and found himself enjoying the nerdfest. Every so often Asahi would make some sort of comment under his breath ("Luke is literally the biggest drama queen oh my god get up you dork!") and Sugawara would find himself laughing along.

It was nice.

Every so often, Suga would find his eyes wandering over to Asahi who was lounging on the longer couch. It bothered him slightly that his chest would seem to get a little tighter when he looked at the man. He didn't know what exactly what it meant (he knew exactly what it meant) and he wasn't will to try and figure it out.

He did look good though. He was still was muscular, still had a strong jaw, eyelashes still long and dark.

His chest tighten some more.

The second movie ended and it was almost 10pm.

"You can kick me out at anytime," Suga said refilling his wine glass. He was taking it easy this time, being such a lightweight. "I can stay as late as possible too. I don't have to go in tomorrow."

"Whenever you want to leave," he responded after taking a swig from his pop can. "I'm not a big sleeper so I could stay up till 3 and not be tired."

"I guess 3am will be our limit then."

"Only if you want it to be."

Asahi shifted on the couch slightly and winched.

"Fuck," he whispered.

Suga got off the loveseat and sat on the edge of the couch.

"Could I take a look at it?"

His face still slightly scrunched up in pain nodded. "Its just really sore, that's all. Go ahead though." With his permission, Suga pulled his shirt up slight and rubbed this thumb over the scarring tissue. It was just a small incision, with the staples already removed. It was slightly bruised. The other wound was just below.

The gunshot wound was just as small, just a round little thing. It was really bruised up, the skin starting to turn yellow.

"All good Doctor?" Asahi whispered.

"Yeah. I just wanted to make sure you didn't reopen something."

Suga kept staring at the scars, his eye wandering a bit over the exposed skin then to the trail of hair at the edge of his pants.

"Anything you like? You did keep your promise and bought me a drink."

Suga jolted and hopped off the couch quickly. All Asahi did was howl with laughter.

"I'm kidding oh my god. Suga stop. Take your coat off you idiot. Don't leave!" he said between laughing. Suga was definitely embarrassed, he wanted to leave before having to deal with it any longer. His heart was racing.

"I should leave."

Asahi had gotten off the couch and was now pulling the coat off of Suga's shoulders.

"Koushi seriously I don't care. I'm flattered."

"I didn't mean-"

"I'm the one that's suppose to make a big deal of things. Sit down and drink your damned wine."

He could look his friend in the eye. All he did was nod and make his way back to the loveseat.

"Koushi, don't make things awkward. Cause they're not."

Suga emptied the glass in one go, so much for taking it easy. "It feels a bit awkward."

"That's cause you're making it that way. Chill out, relax."

Suddenly his lap got really interesting. He stared at it as if it was the best thing in the world.

"Koushi look at me."

He shook his head.

"Please?"

Such a soft tone. How could he refuse. Gingerly, he looked up and straight into Asahi's eyes. That was hard to do. Those brown eyes looked so soft.

"I was only teasing you Koushi. I'm sorry if I embarrassed you."

A voice in him cried to take that excuse. That he was embarrassed by the implications not cause he totally was checking out his friend.

"I'm sorry for overreacting," he said, taking the way out given to him. "Lets just watch the Phantom whatever and forget about this."

Asahi smiled, with face soft and empathetic. "Sure thing."

The rest of the month passed by in a flash. Between work and socializing, Suga felt exhausted by the time April had come around. After two months of shadowing, he finally was allowed to examine patients and run the brain scans needed (thank god, just going over the test results were killing him). That made things more interesting.

Then there was Daichi. Ever since Michimiya had said yes, there seemed to be a glow around his best friend. During the lunches they'd share every so often, he would talk about their plans for the wedding.

"We decided on February 20th," he had said one day. "Give us time you know."

Suga had also finished watching Star Wars with Asahi. He ended up loving it.

"It's so stupid, but it's such a good movie," Suga had confide in Asahi after finishing The Force Awakens. "Why do people make these movies out to be pretentious. It's just a bunch of space people being dramatic and an entire family messing shit up?"

"You know how people are, they have to make stuff like this seem elitist."

March definitely ended on a happy note. Suga still felt slightly awkward around Asahi after what had happen and the fluttering in his chest wasn't going away anytime soon. Instead he decided to let it fester away at the back of his mind, along with that fear of being stuck.

That was something never brought up by the two of them again. Or at least it seemed that way for a while.

The first week of April was horrendous weather wise. Wet and bleak. Just as the week was ending that got a big thunderstorm.

It was loud and booming. Suga had been trying to sleep for ages and was starting to get sick of being woken up by it. Every time thunder would roll he could whisper a few choice words at it.

He got a call at 2am after the damned storm had been going on for at least an hour.

"Hello?" He whispered. He was tired and was definitely not in the mood to talk, but still he felt obligated to pick it up.

"I didn't wake you did I?"

Suga smiled at the sound of the voice. Asahi. Still something tugged at him. Outside the wind howled and crashed like waves sea. No thunder.

"No you didn't. I couldn't sleep. What's up?"

"I... just need to talk. Can we talk?"

Odd. "Sure? I don't know what to talk about sorry."

"How was work?"

"The usual. Even though I'm technically a cognitive neurologist I've been working with brain trauma instead of theoretical work. Which I'm okay with, the head Neurologist is pretty cool and he's been giving me more to do."

"I see."

"Yeah, like before I went over the MRI and CAT scans, but now I'm allowed to actually run them and I can examine patients. Today I went in and took a look at this one guy that concussed himself falling out of bed. Imagine that."

"That sounds unbelievable."

"I know, but you can hurt yourself in some of the weirdest way you know. I'm still not allowed to assist with comatose patients and those on life support. "

"Oh wait why wo-"

A loud thunder crash. It drowned out everything.

Asahi swore loudly on the other end.

That woke Suga up completely.

"Hey, big guy? You okay?"

"I fucking hate thunder. Shit."

Suga turned on the lamp next to him. He couldn't remember Asahi ever being afraid of thunderstorms. He remembered the opposite, with him loving it when it was bleak and rainy outside.

"Do you need me to come over?"

"Its really earlier I'm fine."

A pause. Another round of thunder. More swearing.

"Koushi," he whined

"I'm coming over."

"Thank you."

It took him 30 minutes to make his way over. He was so glad that he didn't have work in the morning. By the time he made it to his friend's place, Suga was starting to feel his exhaustion. He only had to knock one before the door swung open.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so so sorry-"

"Asahi."

There was panic etched all over his face. Suga was quick to take his friend into his arms, hugging him tightly. There was no response for moment before Asahi gripped back hard. He was shaking.

That lasted for a minute or two before Suga broke it and made his way into the apartment. Turning on the kettle, he started making a cup of tea (it concerned him a little that he now knew where everything was).

Asahi stood awkwardly at the edge of the kitchen. As he started to fill the cups up, Suga broke the silence.

"You want to talk about it?"

Asahi stayed quiet for a while, but Suga decided not to push him. Let him go at his own pace was the best idea.

"I..." he started.

"Take your time."

Asahi breathed deep. "I woke up and I thought I was back."

Back? He turned around to face Asahi again with one blue mug in hand. Suga didn't understand what he meant and that must have shown on his face as Asahi elaborated.

"I woke up thinking I was back in Syria. The thunder is sounded... it sounds... God I'm weak."

Things began to make sense.

Suga walked over with the mug in hand and placed in Asahi's hands. He then put his own around his.

"You're not weak."

"I'm broken."

"No you're not."

"Koushi," he whispered. Both their eyes had been on their hands and as if they're thoughts were aligned they met each others sight. Asahi's lips were slightly parted, looking soft and inviting. Sugawara would just have to go onto his toes and lean forward, that's all it would take. So simple, so close.

He didn't though. It seemed wrong to take advantage of Asahi in the position he was in now. Emotionally compromised.

"Koushi," he whispered again, his eyes moving to Suga's lips.

So close.

"I still feel stuck. I still feel broken. I don't know I... I just feel wrong."

Weeks ago, Suga had refrained from it, but this time there was no willpower.

"I'm stuck too."

There was intensity in their gazes. It was so intimate, but no one acted on it. Suga had just released the floodgates, there was no going back. He kept talking.

"I know how you feel. The world is changing and you're just sitting on the sidelines wondering when did this happen. When did everyone suddenly change and you're still you. Why are you still you? Why can't you move forward, why are you so stuck?"

The next words he whispered.

"Asahi Azumane, I'm afraid I'm broken too."

The tea was growing cold.

"Koushi, you don't seem broken to me."

The wind kept howling.

"I feel it though."

His hands tightened around Asahi's.

"Then should we be broken together?"

His heart was racing.

"Misery loves company, Asahi."

Those soft lips quivered every so slightly.

"I'm not saying let's be miserable together. I'm far from miserable."

Eyes softened.

"Then what do you suggest".

His hands felt clammy; gross.

"I suggest we try and give each other time."

Give it time.

Lips were so close now.

He could kiss him.

The fluttering in his heart.

A warm feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Asahi," he voice was soft. He felt breathless as if all the air and the room was gone. A cliché, but one that made sense. Their lips were so close. This was happening and there was no way in hell he was going to stop it.

"Koushi," his voice seemed lower.

Thunder struck unexpectedly. Asahi's hands jolted, his eyes widened. The mug crashed on the floor between them, breaking them out of the trance with cold tea hitting their legs.

"Shit," Koushi cursed.

He quickly went to his knees and picked up the large pieces of ceramic. Asahi just stood there, arms at his side. Koushi looked up.

He seemed then to register what happened, breaking out of whatever had come over him. He looked down at Koushi, and blushed.

Of course he'd blush now, Koushi's head was at crotch level.

He smiled mischievously before repeating words Asahi had said to him before. "Anything you like?"

A smile spread across his face before he knelt down their heads somewhat level again.

"Perhaps."

He took the ceramic from his hands got up to throw them in the trash. Koushi grabbed a towel and moved it around the mess with his foot. The mood was ruined for sure, but it seemed to linger between them. Of course it would, they had been so close Koushi could make out the small freckles on his nose.

"Can you stay?" Asahi voice broke the silence. It was soft, almost inaudible.

A voice in him cried not too, that the situation was too unpredictable.

"Of course."

There was something between the two men then. Eyes met once more, intensity seeming to return. His lips were slightly parted again. Still so soft.

"Asahi I'll stay as long as you need," he continued. "I will always be here for you if you're here for me."

It almost felt like a declaration of love.


	7. Chapter 6

Koushi wakes up slightly disoriented.

Lying on his side, he stares straight out one of the two windows, taking note of the grey sky and greyer clouds. He's aware of the warm body pressed against his, an arm draped around his waist.

Memories from last night come flooding back all at once, drowning him in slight embarrassment.

There are three things he knew for sure in that moment.

First, Asahi was definitely not okay and neither was Koushi.

Second, they had confessed to each other this-promising to be broken together like some twisted way of declaring love.

Lastly, Koushi 62% sure he was falling for him.

It was terrifying to think how quickly this had happened. Like he was written into some bad shoujo manga where twink boy falls for giant, classy gentleman who may or may not have some pervert fetish. Obviously, Asahi wasn't that and that whatever this was it wasn't badly written shoujo, but it was odd. Falling for you best friend? Actually not unheard of. Doing so after 11 years of friendship? Slightly more strained. Realizing that you kind of did have a crush on your gentle giant of a friend since high school. Understandable.

Probably.

Koushi laid there wondering exactly how the night would have gone if the mug hadn't fallen. Would they have kissed? What would it be like? Who it have lead to sex? Probably not.

It was kind of too late for what if's. Still, they linger in his mind.

The body next to him shifts slightly, the hand on his stomach moving up gently. Koushi move his own hand to rest on his, like before.

He's imagining it all over again. How soft Asahi's lips looked. How his cheeks had gotten darker with blush. How his voice sounded just as they were closing the gap.

"I suggest we try and give each other time."

The word rang in his head again, making him shudder. He wanted nothing more than to turn around and plant one on his lips, to feel them move against his own. He wanted to comb his fingers through that short hair, feel the stubble on his face.

He wanted.

He needed.

He wouldn't get.

He sighed softly and turned over onto his other side, mindful of the arm around him. Asahi shifted again and now that Koushi had full view of his face, he couldn't help but smile. The man had fallen asleep with his mouth open and was drooling slightly. It was a less than ideal imagine, but somewhat endearing. It actually struck Suga as hilarious.

Hi body shook as he poorly contained his laughter. Without thinking he pressed his face right into Asahi's neck trying to stifle the laughter. He could feel him swallow and move lightly.

"I didn't wake you up did I?"

A groggy no was all he got back.

Suga moved himself from him, propping his body up with his arm. He looked down at Asahi who smiled softly when they made eye contact. He looked, to say the least shitty like he didn't get any sleep at all. Suga was pretty sure that he looked just as bad, bags under his eyes and all.

"Thank you," he whispered, wiping the drool from his face with his sleeve.

Suga shook his head faintly, resisting the urge to swipe a piece of hair from Asahi's forehead. "My pleasure."

"I'm sure it was."

He shifted to his back, bringing his hand down to where Suga's remembered the scars being.

"It's probably don't good if they're still hurting."

"They're not," he responded, voice still raspy. "Just feels a bit stiff."

"Probably not good still."

Asahi lazily smiled and turned his head enough to look at Suga once more. His lips still looked so soft.

"You want to talk."

"About what," he asked, resting his head down on the pillow again.

Asahi moved back to his side. "About last night."

"Is there something we should talk about?" His heart started to race. Was Asahi going to tell him it was a mistake? That he had to leave? Was he going to take back what he said? Fear spread through his entire body.

"I really hate thunder. So unpredictable, considering what it ruined."

Suga blinked. He said nothing, letting Asahi continue.

"I don't think there's any reason to play coy with each other. There was a moment, right?"

"Right." His throat felt tight.

"Koushi," the way Asahi said his name made him wanted to shiver. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

Uncomfortable? Yeah right.

"I was far from uncomfortable," he whispered, his voice refusing to work properly. "I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable."

"I'm far from it," his voice went low like it did last night. Asahi shuffled closer to him, bring his arm to the other side of Koushi's body.

"Tell me to stop," he continued, their noses practically touching.

"Don't stop."

Suddenly there's a comfortable pressure against his lips. Asahi is soft and warm like he imagined, his lips slightly chapped. He can feel his lip quivering again. Despite how confident Asahi seemed now, there was still that worrying feel coming off of him like it had back when in high school whenever he tried something he thought risky. This was risky. He was his friend. He had been back in his life for barely 3 weeks. What if this ruined everything?

Asahi broke the kiss, his eyebrows furrowed and a worried look in eyes.

"I fucked up."

Suga was confused. "What?"

"I just... You weren't... I-I'm sorry!"

Suga smiled and a quick laugh before entwining his hands into Asahi's hair and pushing his face against his. This time, Koushi remember to move his lip, pulling away slightly only to start again. Asahi's breathe quicken, registering what was happening. He pressed his face against Koushi's, causing their noses to awkward collide.

"Sorry," Asahi quickly apologized, his words muffled by Koushi's lips.

"Shut up," he responded cause the other to smile.

There was more shuffling as they tried to get more comfortable, placing quick kisses all the while. Asahi still ended up being on top, his left leg now being scissored by Koushi's. There seemed to be more urgency in their kisses this time. Koushi's hands were placed on his hips, flexing against the skin that had been exposed.

"Koushi," Asahi voice was needy sending warmth flooding through his entire body and resting in the pit of his stomach.

"Asahi," he felt like he was at the edge of something, that if he was pushed any further that he wouldn't be able to turn back.

There was that temptation to let this go further, he found himself imagining what Asahi would look like without a shirt on, how his skin would feel pressed against his, how it would feel to be fucked by him. Koushi's felt his hips jerk of his own according, enjoying the friction to his groin. It was ridiculous how hard he was getting, but whined loudly as he felt Asahi's press his body against his more, feeling his erection just below his stomach.

While he enjoyed this so very much, it terrified him. This was his friend. He knew Asahi back when he was still had baby fat and short hair. It was too much.

It had been so long since he had had sex and he was sure it was the same for Asahi. Hell it had been way too long since he had been intimate with anyone in a long time. He was rapidly becoming aware of the fact that these feeling he had for Asahi were concoction of loneliness and frustration. Probably.

"S-stop," he croaked out. He was shaking. "I can't do this. I can't-"

"What," Asahi's voice was breathless, his chest heaving. You wanted to keep making him breathless, he wanted to make him moan. That's why this had to stop.

He pushed the man off of him, leaving the bedroom as quickly as possible. He was low key panicking as he threw his coat on.

"Suga wait!"

He felt Asahi grab his arm and he jerked around instantly. He looked into those dull brown eyes full of confusion and worry. He wanted to wanted to explain. Instead he tore his arm away and shoved his shoes on.

"I'm sorry," was all he said before unlocking and rushing out of the door.


	8. Chapter 7

He felt sick to his stomach.

The second he left Asahi's apartment, Suga was sweating.

"I'm a horrible person," he thought to himself. "Im a horrible, nasty, disgusting person. I am broken. So broken. Broken, broken, broken, broken..."

He couldn't take the bus, he couldn't be confined to a small place filled with people. Instead he walked home, his thoughts becoming a mantra of self loathing. He felt hurt. He felt broken.

He probably broke Asahi. No matter how confident the man now seemed, he was still the glass heart Suga first fell in love with.

Fell in love with?

He refused to believe it. He refused to believe he had fallen for his friend. How pathetic that would be. He had only reentered Suga's life again. Still, they had spent more time in the last three weeks then they really had back in high school. It had always been 'Daichi, Asahi and I' never 'Asahi and I'.

There had always been a part of him that had appreciated Asahi. Back in high school he had definitely seen the ace as being attractive, even others saw it. Suga would sometimes hear girls talk about him in a way that cause a wave a jealousy. It had been confusing to feel that then.

It was confusing now.

"I'm broken," the words were on repeat in his mind, refusing to leave. "Broken, broken, broken..."

 _"Then should we be broken together?"_

He wanted to scream to the high heavens. He wanted to cry. He wanted to race back to that damned apartment and finish what he started.

"Broken, broken, broken... I'm stuck. I'm not changing. Im broken, so broken, broken, broken..."

He was on the edge of a breakdown. He wanted to scream and tear at his hair.

In the back of his head, there had always been that fear from way back when Kageyama first came along. He had been indispensable to a point. His friends all moved along, gaining the ability to fly and while he got a taste of that, he never truly left the nest. He was stuck with clipped wings gazing at the endless blue skies, watching his friends soar ever higher. Despite what Asahi said, Suga never saw him as stuck. He soared high too.

At least he thought he did.

Suga cursed that damned thunderstorm, he cursed the mug for shattering. Never had Suga truly confronted these feelings, this knowing of being broken until last night. It wrecked him. He was destroyed and broken. He was a sad, lonely, useless thing.

He was disgusting.

"I hurt him," a thought whispered in him. "I hurt Asahi, he'll think he messed up."

"Good," cried another. "Then he won't get close to me anymore. I can just avoid all of this. Hide away the cracks."

"But I want him."

"I don't want him."

"I want to be with him."

"I wanted to be alone."

He rushed up the stairs of his apartment building, a civil war raging inside of him. He wanted so much, but wanted nothing. He shouldn't be allowed good things. At least he thought he shouldn't.

He was like that ceramic mug. It had broken so easily. For years, he started to chip away, only to hastily glue the pieces back on. No matter how many times he did it, the cracks were still there. They would always be there reminding him of how imperfect he was.

And all it took was a simple thunderstorm to break him.

He slammed the door shut, blocking out the world that seemed to real, too painful. His apparent was his oasis, a place he could call his own. Now it reminded him of how ugly he was.

"Broken, broken, broken..."

It didn't take long before he was sobbing.

Work was painful.

He didn't sleep at all the night before. Instead he laid away wondering if he should reply to the texts Asahi had sent him, or listen to the voicemail. At one point he had remembered how good it felt to feel Asahi pressed up against him, how well that erection felt pressed to him too. It disgusted him how nice that had felt.

He felt even more disgusting when he came in his own hand with a name upon his lips.

He got another call that day, this time from Daichi. He doubt Asahi would say anything to him, given the situation and the fact that despite it all that man was private as hell. Still he didn't pick up the phone. He could use the excuse that he was too busy. That wasn't too far from the truth.

When work ended and he was back in his own apartment once again, he collapsed on his bed and cried some more.

How pathetic.

He was disgusting and pathetic. He was oh so broken, broken, broken...

The next day was just as hard.

And the next.

And then the next.

A week went by, refusing to talk to anyone. How could he? To look at them and see his own failures, to see how stuck he was.

Disgusting. Gross. Useless.

Daichi kept trying to call him. He never tried to come to his apartment.

He listened to the voice messages he left him whilst avoiding the one he so needed to hear.

The first one had been if he was up for drinks later. The next 3 were wondering if he was okay. Tanaka left several of the same caliber. Asahi's was left untouched.

Drinks sounded nice.

Drinking by himself sounded better.

And that's how he spent a weeknight. Going to a random bar and drinking. To his credit, it wasn't wine for once.

That's how he ended up with the worst hangover of his life too. He was such a lightweight.

That's also how he ended up listening to Asahi's message.

Or that's how he ended up to listening Asahi say Koushi before deleting the message right away like the punk ass bitch he was. That what he had called himself in his intoxicated state.

He was pathetic.

The next day he finally returned Daichi's message.

"I'm sorry-" he had begun before being cut off by a very angry voice.

"Oh I'm sorry? That's great. Ignore me again I swear to god I will come over there and beat you."

"Sorry dad."

"Are you okay?"

No.

"Yeah, just had a bad week. Work and stuff."

"I'm not convinced. I'll give you time."

 _"I suggest we try and give each other time."_

Suga had cried for an hour afterwards.

He then had hovered over Asahi's number for 15 minutes wondering if he should call. He had come so close to doing it.

He was miserable.

He did this to himself, he deserved this pain. Or at least that's what he told himself.

He had panicked and destroyed something that could have been good.

He destroyed an 11 year old friendship. Probably.

Though he didn't go out to bars again having learnt his lesson-that was a lie he didn't learn his lesson he ended up drinking wine by himself like one of those white moms in a loveless marriage.

He was getting good at dealing with hangovers by the time April ended and gave way to May flowers. The flowers attracted couples to the parks, which Suga lived right next to one. He almost gagged everytime he was one of them kissing.

He was disgusting and broken.

He hated himself for breaking so easily.

He snapped on the first weekend of May thankfully.

He went out and evolved from Wine Mom to Vodka Aunt. The best worst decision, considering what happened next.

And what happened next?

He went over to Daichi and Yui's place drunk at 10 at night which is arguably way too early to get drunk.

It was an effort to knock on the door and it was an effort to not run away, but he couldn't do this anymore. Liquid courage comes in vodka bottles and it made Suga want to spill his heart out.

By the third knock, Daichi had opened the door, leaving Suga to knock at thin air.

"Uhhh..."

"Hey Daichi," Suga's slurred. "I've had time and... fuck what's the word what's the word? Oh. I think we can talk now."

"You're drunk."

"Yessir."

Daichi lead him into the living room where Yui was sitting on the couch.

"Looking good Michimiya. You know if you were my type I would so date you. My type is anything that won't get Daichi ripping my arms off so yeah."

Yui laughed at that. "It's good to see you."

"Likewise. Anyways," he turned to Daichi again throwing his arms up in the air. "I fucked up."

"Okay."

"This is an amazing story oh my god just you wait. So I get a call at 2am when we had that huge storm right? Well its Asahi, he got scared of the things... the um-"

"Thunder?"

"Yeeah thunder. Anyways I go over, I make him a cup of tea we almost kiss-"

"What?"

"Daichi shush," Yui interjected. "Go on."

"Thanks. We almost kiss, he asks me to stay the night. We wake up together and man I kissed the fuck out of Asahi. He's got really soft lips oh my god. So things are getting a bit steamy now and like I'm so ready to do the do."

Daichi expression was priceless. "Suga. Please don't tell me you mean what you do."

"I was ready to fuck him."

"Oh my god," his voice raised an entire octave. Yui laughed and Suga continued.

At least he tried to continue. It was then that he grabbed Daichi's shoulders and looked him a bit too close in the eye.

"I fucked up. I panicked and bolted and I haven't spoken to him since. I'm a horrible person. I am a horrible, horrible person. Tell me I'm a horrible person!"

Daichi place a hand on Suga's arm. "You're not a horrible person."

After weeks of crying you'd think that would be it. Nope. Koushi Sugawara broke down once more, crying into Daichi's shoulder with Yui mildly rubbing circles into his back.

"Stay the night," she whispered. "Please."

How could he refuse.

The next morning, Suga woke up on their couch with a mind splitting headache so great he was slightly surprised he was still breathing.

"I'm sorry for last night," he had told Daichi as his friend made coffee. "I shouldn't have done that."

"Im glad you did," he said pouring out the hot water. "I don't care what you say by the way. I'm calling Asahi."

Suga groaned.

"Look," Daichi placed the mug in front of him with sterness that made Suga sit up straight. "You probably hurt him the process, I'm not sugar coating my words cause I know that won't make you feel better. I'm being the middle man here and helping you out here. I'll talk to him, set something up and you two can talk."

"Thank you."

Daichi smiled softly. "You have my blessing too."

"I don't need it."

"I doubt that."

Suga smiled a genuine smile it what seemed like ages.

Yui had come into the kitchen then planting a kiss of her fiance's cheek and smiling at Suga.

"Sleep well?"

"Not really no."

She grabbed a mug out of the cupboard. "Perhaps don't drink so much next time."

"Perhaps."

He had breakfast with them and had stayed around long enough to nervously watch Daichi call their friend.

"Please actually go to lunch," Daichi had begged when he drove Suga home. "He seemed happy at the prospect of it. If you hurt him again I will hit you."

Suga nodded.

"Koushi-"

"I know."

The instant he opened his apartment door, he beelined for the shower, scrubbing off all the regrets of last night. He brushed his teeth extra hard to get rid of the seaweed taste in his mouth. By the time he was ready to go out his headache had resided a bit and anxiety was starting to get to him.

How could he look him in the eye? He was so broken and stupid and he couldn't do this.

Or at least he thought that. He shoved those worries as far back as possible and made his way the cafe Daichi has told him to go to. He was stilling worrying and feeling sick to his stomach when he entered the place and saw Asahi sitting at one of those tables, playing with one of the forks.

Oh fuck.


	9. Chapter 8

Oh fuck.

Sugawara was suddenly transported over 11 years ago, walking into his languages class the day after official joining the volleyball club. He hadn't noticed him before. Towards the back of the class sat the tall first year had had met the day before, the one who had bit his tongue will introducing himself.

He had been playing with a twirling a mechanical pencil between his fingers then like he was doing with a fork now. Back then he had quickly looked up to the kid standing in the doorway staring at him and he had smiled. It took some convincing, but he got the teacher to let him sit beside Asahi. That was the only class they had ever shared.

Almost every day it was the same. He would look up from his notes or whatever and smile at him with the fondest look.

It almost broke Suga's heart when that repeated itself.

Asahi's head had jerked up and met Suga's eyes. A soft smile, inviting him to sit down. It took everything for Suga to face him. To not run away.

He walked over to the table, thankful for how busy it was in the seemingly popular café. It felt less intimidating to be with him in a crowded place. Just barely though.

Sitting down was a challenge. Everything in him wanted to run away. To not face what was ahead.

"You're nervous," his voice was slightly raspy, like he was getting over a cold.

"It's that obvious?"

"I know the feeling. I'm better at hiding it though. You aren't though."

"Oh."

Despite the chatter around them, there was a silence so deafening Suga couldn't handle it. It was in the silence he was left with his thoughts. Broken, broken, brok-

"I'm sorry."

"Oh."

Suga stared at his hands with such intensity as though if he stared hard enough he could avoid this. "It was too much and I didn't know how to handle it."

"And that gave you the right to just leave? You never answered my texts or gave me a reason-"

"Like you did after Dateko." He knew that was a low blow, but it didn't matter. It was a terrible coping mechanism and a dumb attempt to get Asahi to not push. Bad move.

Suga looked up from his hands, surprised by the expression on Asahi's face. Daichi was scary when made mad, but Asahi was unnerving when angry. And he was angry.

"Volleyball was a club," he snapped quickly. "You fucked with me for over a month, making me wonder what the fuck I did wrong. Dateko was my anxiety getting the better of me, this was you not communicating and leaving me in the dark. Who fuck does that?"

Tears began to swell up. "I'm sorry-"

"Why are you sorry."

The words seemed to get stuck in his throat. Stuck. Tears quickly falling down his face. He covered his face with his hand quickly to not bring attention from other patrons. "It was too quick."

Suga could no longer see his face, but Asahi's voice sounded softer. "What was too quick."

"Y-you."

"Me? I need a sentence not word."

He took his hand away. "You've been here for over a decade of my life and not once did I really feel this way for you. Suddenly you're back, and I'm undone. I don't know why, but it's terrifying. Y-you're my friend Asahi. My best friend at that. I'm afraid I'm doing this cause I made a simple connection."

Asahi reached forward then, taking both of Suga's hands in his own. "Koushi..." Expression had changed from angry to concern. It almost made Suga's cry out.

"You're back," he gasped, try to hold back his tears. "And suddenly it hits me how broken and lonely I am and you said those words to me. And I connected. I'm helpless and I don't know what to do. I need something, but I don't know what. Is it you? Is it time? Is it a psychiatrist? Probably the latter with how crazy I've been lately."

Asahi chuckled at that. "I want to say I'm in the same boat with this, but to be honest I've kind of always had a thing for you."

Surprise.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Since we first met or?"

"Third year. It kind of hit me one day. There's always been some low key want for you that never really faded away. It hit me hard when I saw you again."

For some reason that was comforting.

"I wish I could say the same. I've always been more caught up in anything else then romance."

"I know," his voice went a bit raspier. He squeezed Suga's hands gently.

"Were you sick or something," he asked leaning forward.

"Yeah and don't change the subject. What do we do?"

"What do you mean?"

Asahi gave a heavy sigh and looked around at the other tables. He seemed conflicted, as if there will millions of thoughts running through him, but he could decide which one he wanted. That was probably the truth in all honesty.

"Do you want to try this."

"Being broken together?" Suga tilted his head slightly, smiling knowing the weight of those words.

"Yeah."

"Ask me out first."

"Koushi."

"Asahi."

Another sigh.

"Not now."

Rejection. It struck him hard in the chest knocking all the air out from his lungs.

"I'm not saying never though," Asahi gave a small. "We'll take this slow, understand what this is."

And the air was back.

"Then when?"

He hesitated on his words once more. "I will be honest, it unnerves me how I was undone too. I feel a bit confused as well. I... I think we should try to casually go about this, I don't know thing and go from there."

Suga thought on those words. It felt nice to know he wasn't alone in feeling helpless. It made him feel more confident, as if this wasn't just loneliness. He look back down at his hands, intertwined with Asahi's. He was pale compared to him.

"But go steady?"

Asahi chuckled. "You mean be exclusive."

"Yeah."

"Oh my god. Obviously."

Warmth spread through him. For the first time in a month he felt that nagging thought in the back of his mind fade away.

The rest of April faded away slowly in contrast to March days which blended together.

It was disorienting.

The best part of it was the time Suga spent with Daichi or Asahi. It was painful at first with the former, considering the fact that Daichi would make jokes at what had happened (which made him feel better about the situation itself somehow? It would have been worse for him if Daichi had pretended it never happened). Despite all the jokes, not once did he press what happened at lunch that day, but on the days when the old team went out and Suga would talk to Asahi (maybe a little too closely), Daichi would smile when he would catch his eye.

Those days were the best too. Nights spent out drinking with his friends, or just fooling around. After what had happened, he stayed away from drinking. He felt he had been slightly too hard on his liver and it needed a break (plus there was no way in hell he was suffering another hangover anytime soon).

Besides the drinking was volleyball. That had started back up again after a while. That had become a rare thing for them after high school. Sure it was something they all strived for, to play a couple sets together and have a good time, but it hardly ever happened.

And suddenly there was time.

On the last Friday of April, they had met up at one of the open gyms near by and played. It had also been the first time in forever that everyone was together again.

It had been shocking when Shimizu and Yachi decided to come along.

"I thought you might like having a referee," Shimizu had said with a smile, touching Noya softly on the shoulder who had asked. Despite all the years that had passed, he still turned bright red.

Asahi had abstained quickly from playing which turned out to be a bigger shock.

"We'll be short one then!" Hinata had been quick to respond.

"I'm sure you made by when I wasn't here. Look, I'm not up to it sorry."

A three on three game was played, with them switching out every so often.

There had been a bit of disappointment when Suga realized he wasn't going to be playing with him. That had been on thing he had looked forward to more than anything else. All the time in the world could go by, but he would always want to toss to his ace.

After a crushing defeat, they had made their way over to a nearby bar.

"I think Hinata was the most disappointed," Suga had teased Asahi as they lagged behind the group. "I think he wanted to make up for all the times you wipe the ground with him."

Asahi smiled, but Suga took note on how it didn't seem to meet his eyes.

"I don't know. I really am not up to playing. It's been forever, I probably suck now."

"Probably."

"Shush, you're suppose to support me."

"That's was not our agreement."

"Shut up," he teased back, shoving Suga slightly.

"Oi boys, behave," Daichi had yelled out then, laughing at their surprised expressions.

And that's how April ended. Happily, yet there was something off in the way that smile never reached Asahi's eyes.

In May, he began to notice even more how it never did. It was so easy to get him to smile. Simply show him a stupid joke off of the internet and you could Asahi laughing, but it seemed to be half-assed and a bit of a show.

Not once did Suga try to the breach that topic, leaving it be as an uneasy thought in the back of his mind. Probably a bad idea.

Amongst that, there were nicer little things that were coming to light more and more. Whatever they were had remained steady and casual. Slowly as Suga rediscovered the little things about Asahi, how his nose would scrunch up when he was tense or how he would always play with whatever was in his hands, he began to realize how less confused he was becoming.

Kissing didn't seem so scary anymore. Intimacy was still terrifying yet intriguing. There was definitely something there that he couldn't ignore, something that wasn't a product of a simple connection. He still felt broken though and stuck. No matter how much time he would spend with Asahi at either or's apartments or out at lunch, he knew that a relationship would fix that.

Still.

Just as things started to feel back to normal somewhat, there was another storm. All day it had thundered away, making Suga nervous during a MRI that the power would give out despite knowing the hospital had a generator. As the day wore one, he always made sure to text Asahi. That was another thing he never breached, the thunderstorm. It had been easy to understand what he had meant back then about what the thunder had sounded like. No matter how much time seemed to pass, there was always stories on the news of the latest bombings and air strikes in the Middle East, with Syria included. It was definitely a bad idea to ignore that, but Suga felt as if it was a very touchy area to go to. Sometimes Asahi would mention something from his time over there, but only briefly and with so little emotion.

In his mind it had become a taboo subject.

Right after work Suga had rushed over to his place and had been greeted with a huge hug.

"Sorry," he had whispered into his shoulder. "This really shouldn't freak me out as much as it should."

"What you feel is valid," Suga had responded, breaking the hug. "How about you make me a tea and take your mind off of this. Don't break the mug."

"I'll try."

To his credit, the mug had made it into Suga's hand crackless and warm.

"How was your day?" Asahi had asked, making his way to the living room. "Was it good?"

"Same as always. I definitely wasn't getting the action emergency was getting. I feel bad for them when we get bad weather."

"Oh?" He said, sitting down on the couch. Suga plop down next to him.

"People drive stupid when its bad outside. Reason number five why I refuse to drive."

Asahi smiled at that. They were sitting so close that Suga could feel the warmth radiating off of him. Cautiously, he leaned onto his shoulder and was met with an arm wrapping around and pressing him closer. They were like that for a while, talking so close that they could feel each others breathe upon their faces. He let the tea in his hands go cold.

Every so often, thunder would roll and the hand that had gravitated to his hip would squeeze ever so slightly. There was still that panicked expression on his face, the same one he wore ages ago though it seemed less so panicked, but rather on edge. Or something like that.

That eventually led to the tea being abandoned on the coffee table and Suga laying back with Asahi resting his head on his chest as the T.V droned on. They kept talking about meaningless thing while Suga played with his hair.

"Asahi," he whispered at one point, as the wind outside finally died down. It was late and he was tired. Eyes half lidded, he stared up to the ceiling.

"Yes," a sleepy voice responded.

"Have you figured what this thing is yet?"

A breathy laugh. "Nope. Have you?"

A pause.

"Not really. I was hoping you did."

He could hear the smile in his voice. "When I do I'll let you know, okay?"

"Same goes for me."

"Sounds good."

Silence again. The show on the T.V ended and a commercial break with vibrant colours. At one point they had turned the lights off, only allowing themselves to be illuminated by the T.V.

"Koushi?"

"Yeah."

"What do you want this thing to be?"

That took him off guard slightly. What exactly did he want? It was hard to say. Obviously he longed for some sort of connection, something more than friendship. There was a part that wanted intimacy. Another wanted romance. It was hard to put into words without putting a heavy label on it.

"I want someone who I can talk to and kiss whenever I want."

He felt Asahi sigh then push himself up. Before he knew it, they were in a similar position from 'that morning' as Suga referred to. He was on top of Suga, propping himself on his elbows. Their noses brushed ever so slightly.

"We talked didn't we."

He smiled softly. "Yes we did."

"If I kiss you, you won't run away will you?"

That hurt.

"I'm less confused now. I won't run."

"Good," his voice went low like Suga liked, pressing his mouth to his.

Unlike before, there was no urgency or passion. Just lazy kissing, testing the waters. Koushi moved his lips slowly savoring the feeling and taste. His lips were still chapped and there was less stubble now. It was felt so different, there was no pressure to make things go further. He could have happily laid there for hours, enjoying the comfortable pressure of another body against his.

Asahi nipped softly at his bottom lip, causing Suga to gasp, allowing the kiss to deepen.

It was messy. One thing Suga never understood was how in stories and movies, kissing always was clean and dry. In all the experience he had had, it was borderline gross and wet. Even though everything was going slowly, it was still wet.

Things then began to go slightly quicker, little moans and gasps escaping from his lips as his hands wandered the planes of Asahi's back. It was slightly surprising to him just how muscular he was. He could feel them works as Asahi somehow was able to close the gap between them some more.

He whined loudly as Asahi moved from his lips to his cheeks to his jaw. Kisses trailed down to the crook of his neck before stopped briefly.

"Just tell me to stop if you feel uncomfortable, okay," his words were breathy and soft. All Suga could do was nod fast.

The hand closest to the edge of the couch move to cradle his head as Asahi continued to kiss persistently at his neck, sucking hard every so often. That caused Suga to moan loudly. His hands seemed to move on their own accord, once resting on Asahi's back they now gripped tightly in his hair gasping as he bit Suga's neck softly in return.

"Koushi," he groaned into his neck, sending a shock wave of pleasure down his spine. He wanted to hear that again. There was nothing more in that moment that Suga wanted more than to hear Asahi moan his name over and over. Before that had scared him half to death.

Now it was only slightly unnerving.

His kisses trailed back to his mouth again, instead of lazy kissing there was urgency. Suga was reluctant to break it. He needed to breathe.

"Sorry," he whispered out of breathe against Asahi's lips. "I just need a moment."

"Take your time," Asahi whispered back, giving a quick peck to him lips.

Their faces were so close, lips barely grazing each other. Suga couldn't stare anywhere else but into Asahi's eyes. They were a greyish dark brown, giving this appearance of looking almost flat; dull. He had never been this close to him before and Suga never realized that there had been little flecks of gold. He wondered if anyone had ever noticed that before.

Suga closed his eyes again and pushed Asahi's face closer, mashing their lips together. There was an uncomfortable pressure of teeth for a moment before Asahi began to worry at his bottom lip again. It took everything to not whine into his mouth.

He let his hands trail down from Asahi's neck, against his back to his thighs. His fingers just barely reached the back, but it was enough to push him forward as to invite him to move more.

He brought the leg between his thighs up ever so slight. Doing so, Suga ground against Asahi's right leg with just enough pressure. His breath came out unevenly and his hands which had made their way to his hip pressed into flesh. Asahi hissed at that.

"Sorry," he gasped against his lips.

In response, Asahi moved his leg closer, giving more access. He ground his hips nimbly into that raised leg, both of them gasping and moaning at the much need friction.

He was hard, his pants feeling a bit too tight and their bodies not close enough together. That was a good indication to Suga.

"Stop," he whined. "I don't want to go this far. I need to stop-"

Asahi was quick to push off of him, pressing himself to the other end of the couch. It seemed like overkill, but it was much appreciated. Suga sat up, propping himself up with his elbow and used to wipe the saliva around his mouth away with his sleeve.

"Gross," he hissed to himself. Asahi laughed loudly at that.

"Sorry!"

Suga shook his head. "I'm sorry. I just can't you know."

"I respect your boundaries."

"Good otherwise," he brought his fist up, shaking it in a mocking manner. Asahi gave a toothy grin.

"I suppose it would be presumptuous to ask you stay the night. Nothing has to happen though."

He laughed then responded, "That's one big word. I just might have to stay for that. Putting so effort into asking me. Wow."

"Are you mocking me?"

He shuffled over to Asahi, getting real close to his face. "Maybe."

Asahi gave a huff before pushing himself off of the couch. "I'll get you something to wear then. Your tea is cold too by the way."


	10. Chapter 9

It was slightly ridiculous to Suga how many pillows Asahi had. There was no way a (hypothetical) single guy needed 5 of them plus a duvet. It was almost summer, there was no way he was going to survive the heat.

"I cuddle with them," had been defense. "I like being surrounded by stuff."

Honestly, that had been adorable and he had pushed Asahi down on the bed then and kissed him some more.

Suga had fallen asleep on his stomach with Asahi's arms heavy on him. His head was placed comfortably in the crook of Asahi's neck. When he had woken up, it was odd to feel so warm and protected. It was nice and he was able move just enough to plant a kiss on his jaw.

From the corner of his eye he was able to see Asahi smile.

"Good morning," he whispered, reluctantly getting up.

"Morning," he responded, voice laced with drowsiness. Asahi rolled on his back, making it easier for Suga to get up.

"I hate to do this but I have work," he walked over to the dresser where he had placed his clothes. Asahi had thrown him a spare shirt last night with Suga ditching pants. He was half a head shorter than him plus it obvious he weighted less, there was no way he'd be able to fit into any of his pants.

"Hmm."

"Please don't fall asleep again," Suga jerked the shirt off and threw on the old one. Thankful, Asahi propped himself up, struggling to keep his eyes open.

"Sure thing. What time is work?"

He grabbed his pants and yanked out his phone. "In two hours."

"Better hurry then."

"What do you think I'm doing."

Asahi watched with tired eyes and he struggled to get his jeans on, laughing slightly when hye almost fell.

"Rude," Suga sneered. Asahi smiled lazily in return.

"You want coffee or something before you go? Cause I can do that."

Suga gave a forceful tug on the zipper and smiled.

"Sure."

Unlike the tea, Suga gave it no time to cool. He gave a huge sip, watching Asahi make his way around the kitchen, pulling out a pot and pan.

"I could make something for you quickly. If you want."

Suga took a quick sip. "What are you making?"

"Uh, natto with an egg on white rice. I like it so."

Suga made a face. "No offence, but I hate anything fermented. Soybeans are on the top of that list."

"I'll leave that out then."

Suga sat quietly as Asahi got to work. It was interesting watching him in such a domestic way. He had laughed when Asahi cursed when he cracked one egg and got it all over the stove. It hit him then.

"Asahi?"

"I don't need help," he grumbled wiping the egg away.

"Not that. I think I figured out what I want exactly."

"Oh?"

Suga paused, realizing just how heavy the next word could be. There was slight pressure in his chest as he spoke.

"Boyfriends?"

He turn to face him, with this goofy smile on his face.

"You sure?"

"Asahi don't be a fucking idiot about this."

"What did I do?"

"Your tone."

"My tone? Your kidding me," he exasperated, throwing his arms up. "You're not serious."

"Don't be weird about this."

"You're being weird!"

"Not."

"Koushi I swear to god."

Asahi tried holding a serious look, but failed. He laughed making Suga feel more embarrassed about it all.

"You're an ass."

"Could I still ask you out if I'm an ass? Is that off the table now or?"

That caught him by surprise a little.

"You mean a date?"

"Obviously," he chirped, wiping egg off his shirt. "Unless you don't want to."

"I want to," he responded a little too quickly.

That stupid smile got soft. "Then it's a date."

Before a match there was always this feeling of dread hanging over the team. It didn't matter if the last game was amazing or if they just scraped by. They may have been hyped to the max, but that feeling would always be there.

Honestly if that feeling was there, the game wouldn't feel right. The second you feel comfortable doing something, you can not advance. As long as you know there's a reason to move forward you will.

That feeling was with Suga when he got home and looked in the mirror. It worried itself in the pit of his stomach as he carefully traced the dark purple marks on his neck. His heart hammered knowing he was marked, that a part of him was owned by Asahi in a non-traditional way. There was nothing in the norm about their relationship to Suga. Friends to lovers never worked out. There was always that happy fairytail story about it, but when did that happen in real life?

It was exhilarating.

Koushi felt like he was breaking some rules, he didn't know where they came from, but he sure as hell was breaking them. He pressed hard into the hickey closest to his collarbone, laughing a little as he remembered the look the woman on the bus had gave him as her eyes wandered there.

Boyfriends.

It was terrifying and he had a date. An actual date. When was the last time he had actual had a proper date? It slightly unnerved him that he didn't have an actual answer besides 'maybe 5 years ago?' And that added to the excitement.

He had no idea how he was going to concentrate at work

Or how he was going to hide the hickeys at work. How fun.

Yet somehow he was able to concentrate and with the help of a simple turtleneck he made it work. Not once did anyone make a comment at the one that hide just below his ear which he couldn't hide at all. Thank god for procrastinating going to get a haircut.

Starting work later meant forgoing lunch with friends, but it was a saving grace for once. There was no way in hell Daichi, Ryuu or Kiyoko weren't going to notice the disaster that was his neck or mind. The entire shift he could stop thinking about those muscles felt under his hands, the way his stubble rubbed on his face, the way he tasted or even how good it felt to know that he had turned Asahi on. That was a score, ten out of ten would do again. At a different time of course.

There was too much implications of intimacy that came with sex. One night stands were one thing, fucking your best friend was another.

Boyfriends was enough for him for now.

The word still felt so heavy, it weighted him down when he trudged home, as he pulled out his laptop and as he checked Facebook.

The regular things he did now felt so weird. As he scrolled through his home page, laughing at the idiocy of some of his friend's posts he couldn't help, but think. There were little things, like did Asahi still like Tonkotsu ramen or did he still eat Nutella right out of the jar? Probably. He had laughed quietly remembering a night of marathoning movies with him (alone at that too) and being disgusted when shoved a spoonful in his mouth.

He wondered if Asahi was feeling the same way as he was right now. Throughout the day he had texted him, trying to keep it down low, but honestly failing.

Suga went over to photos, going through the one's he had been tagged in over the years. He found the one he had been looking for after 5 minutes.

The last weekend he had been home before going off to university. There were a dozen of them, all of them with Daichi, Asahi and Shimizu. There were a variety of stupidity with them, often toned down when Kiyoko was involved. The one he paused on was the only one he was alone with Asahi in.

His hair had been let down (looking at it he realized with a pang he missed that long hair) and he had been wearing a dark burgundy shirt. Suga himself had plaid button up and was smiling so hard his dimpled stood out. They both looked so happy, arms wrapped around each other. The camera didn't make out the little flecks of gold in his eyes. His boyfriend's eyes.

What a wonderful word.

He had a boyfriend and there wasn't going to be that awkward getting to know you stage.

Just that awkward I know those things I told you in the dead of night stage.

This was going to be fun and Suga knew it for sure. There was dread in the pit of his belly.

"Trust me this is the best place."

Asahi had laughed loudly. "I'm trusting you here, don't let me down."

"Hey, hey, hey. I've lived here for over a year, your new to Tokyo okay. This place is small, but good. They have a sushi and sake bar. Amazing desserts. Oh also the sashimi makes me want to moan okay it is fresh! Like they killed the thing 10 minutes ago fresh."

"Stop that! I'm driving, what if I laugh so hard I crash. It's all your fault."

It took two weeks for the bite marks to finally be all gone and for the date to commence. Each time they tried to plan something Suga got called in to work later or Asahi had issues with paperwork. That was something he noticed right away, how much documentation that went into him coming home and possible staying home for a while.

And yet after all that struggle, there they were. Asahi had picked him up, all smiles and charming. Still, he could tell he was nervous. Suga picked up on the little ticks really quickly, the quick scrunches of his nose, the way his hand would clench every so often. Asahi hadn't been wrong in the café though, he had gotten better at hiding it.

That had made playful banter the whole way, it was easy for Suga to say that it was a cover up for his own anxiety. His stomach churned and his palms felt sweaty, but it was great. He felt more alive than he had in months.

The restaurant Suga had convinced Asahi to go to was a little place he had discovered with Tanaka when he first started his residency. Inexpensive and delicious, it had become his favourite quickly. It almost made him sad that he didn't go as often as he liked. Often times he'd find himself craving the miso ramen, the broth purposefully burnt slightly.

It seemed like a good place to go.

When they had been seated in one of the booths, Asahi had been quick to speak.

"Am I the only one that's sweating buckets here?' His nervous expression mixed with a smile cause Koushi to laugh.

"Trust me, I'm bad too. Don't touch my hands."

Rebelliously, he reached out for his hands, Asahi had to practically lean across the table to grab them.

He had laughed when Koushi entwined their fingers. "Sweaty and cold. How gross."

He squeezed tightly then causing Asahi to squeak. "You're no better. Yours are clammy too."

Their conversation stayed light as it had in the car. There was no discussion of brokenness or the last evening they spent together. There was a tug in Suga's stomach when Asahi mentioned Miyagi.

"I'm heading down to see my mom on her birthday," he had said between bites of food. " She's going to 60 this year. It's kind of a big deal so obviously I can't miss it."

"I see," Suga murmured, take a quick sip of wine. Even after being gone for so long, Torono would always be home. Home had implications.

'Its been a while for you huh?"

Suga laugh softly. "Is it that obvious?"

"Kind of."

"Well I don't go home for my mother's birthday or my father's. There's still no point."

Asahi's brows furrowed for a second. For second Suga didn't know if that look in his eyes was concern or pity.

"Anyways," he quickly changed the subject. "My sister will be home too so that'll be fun. I'm sure I'll love being in the same place with her for two days straight."

Suga snorted. "Shut up, you guys get on better than a house on fire sometimes."

A doubtful look. "Sometimes."

There was a heavy silence for a brief moment before he continued. "Should I say anything about us?"

That hadn't struck Suga once. Telling people. Now he understood why it took Tanaka and Ennoshita so long. It felt odd to consider bring people into their little bubble of whatever this was.

"I'm sure your mother will be ecstatic and your father pleased."

And there was that crooked smile. Suga had been quick to notice how rare it was, like summer day in April. Like that, it spread warmth through him.

"I'm sure Daichi knows so that's one parent down."

It took everything for Suga not to snort.

"He keeps giving me this looks whenever we sit together when everyone's out. He knows. Also I kind of drunken admitted how we almost kissed then actually kissed."

Asahi's eyes had widen then, a look of horror on his face. "No."

"Yeah. Why do you think he set up that lunch thing?"

"I didn't know he knew that. Suga I don't want him knowing about the thunder thing!"

"He only knows you don't like it that's all."

The something else struck him, causing him to laugh. Asahi looked at him with a worried expression.

"What is it now?"

"I just forgot to tell you."

"Tell me what?"

Suga smiled, reaching out for Asahi's hand. He gave it a firm squeeze.

"We have Daichi's blessing."

The worried expression faded and was replaced by laughter.

"Oh my god!"

The night wore on and by the time Asahi had walked him back to his apartment door, there was a slight buzz in Suga's head. He was flying on high, ready to crash and burn out at any moment.

"Will you come in?" He asked softly. Asahi had hummed in response. They had held hands the entire way up and even as they walked into Suga's place, they didn't let go.

Suga only let go to turn on the lights.

"Would you like a cup of tea or-"

"I'm good, don't worry."

He stood in the hallway, staring at Asahi realizing just how dark he had gotten. It was an odd thing to notice, but his skin was more tanned then he remembered, the browns in his hair standing out more. The artificial light brought out little flecks of honey brown. Suga stepped closer to him till he practically was corner.

"What are you-"

Suga took his face in his hands, stroking his cheek softly with this thumb.

"You haven't kissed me yet."

A small smile. "Let me fix that."

His lips felt less chapped and tasted of beer. It was languid and soft. Their kisses were broken by little sighs and gasps. His hands traced down his face, tracing his jaw and the outline of his Adam's apple before resting on his chest. Asahi's hands had gravitated to his hips, his thumbs rubbing small circles above his hipbone before dragging him closer. Their bodies bumped awkwardly together, but Suga refused to acknowledge it. He wanted to get closer.

The feeling in his stomach had gone warm and flooded him with light.

Cautiously, Suga broke the kiss much like Asahi had done once before, bringing his lips to trail kisses down his jaw, kissing slowly along where it met his neck. Took a breath him, enjoying the warm spicy scent of his aftershave before giving a hard suck beneath his ear.

In return he got a loud moan and Asahi's grip tightening.

"You marked me up good the other night," he whispered breathlessly into his ear, kissing the shell of the ear softly. "Perhaps I should return the favour?"

"Oh god yes," he groaned.

He traced the kisses back down to his neck, feeling slightly at lost. He had never done this before and he honestly had no idea what to do. One thing seemed certain.

"Asahi. I don't want to stop at all."

He gave a small suck on his jugular, a little moan escaping.

"Fucking on the first date," he voice was breathless and wavered slight. "Romance is really dead isn't it?"

"Shut up and kiss me."

He complied, quickly bring his hands to cradle Suga's face and pressed their faces together. His fingers clenched hard into Asahi's shirt before playing with one of the buttons. He broke the kiss for a moment looking up into his eyes. A little nod and those hands stopped cradling his face and moved to undo a few of the top button. He looked down while doing this causing their heads to bump.

"Sorry," he said shakily.

"I'll do it, stop."

Asahi nodded quickly before giving a quick peck to his cheek, right at his mole.

Never had unbuttoning a shirt been so hard. His fingers felt like sausages. He went to do his own before Asahi stopped him.

"How much do you like that shirt?"

"I beg your pardon?"

"Do you like that shirt?"

"I won't cry if I lost it why-"

A strong yank and two buttons went fly. Asahi gave a low chuckle.

"You were going too slow."

"You asshole-"

Asahi didn't let him finish. Quickly he began to kiss him again, sweeping his tongue against Suga's bottom lip.

"Bedroom?" Suga's voice came out as a whimper, almost embarrassing.

"Bedroom."

He practically dragged him to his room. He had all intentions of pushing Asahi down on the bed, but he was faster. The kiss got deeper, the little gasps turned to full out moans.

"Wait, Asa- ahhh," his words turned into a cry of pleasure as he felt a strong hand cup the growing bulge in his pants.

"What were you going to say," he whispered breathlessly as he grinds his palm against his erection.

"Top. I want to be on top."

Suga's eyes fluttered opened to see Asahi smile, slightly embarrassed.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"Just get off for a second. I want to ride."

If he wasn't red before, Asahi was now. His eyes widened at how straight forward the comment. Either way he got off allowing Suga to get up. Quickly he yanked his pants off, kicking them across the room. He was quick to take everything off except for his boxers. He turned back to Asahi who had sat down on the edge of the bed.

His shirt hung off of him with a white tee underneath. Suga would have felt too exposed if it wasn't for that look of helplessness of Asahi's face and obviously tenting in his pants. He dropped down to his knees, shaking as he unzips his pants. He feels so obscene as he traces his hand over his erection.

"Oh my god," Asahi mumbles, his eyes fluttering close. Suga signals for him to move his hips up and yanks his jeans of just enough. His fingers hook on the band of his boxer briefs before he hesitates. It isn't until Asahi whines out 'please' does he actually do anything.

Proportional is all his can think as he gives a long lick. He glances up through his eyelashes, watching in wonder as Asahi comes undone. His lips quiver slightly before giving out a ragged moan. This is what he wanted, to make Asahi feel as helpless as he did. He takes his cock into his hand and gives a light kiss to the side before taking the head into his mouth and sucks lightly.

He relishes the shaky gasp and shudder from Asahi.

He hums happily as he takes more, gagging slightly. It honestly had been so long since he had been down on his knees. One of Asahi's hands tangles into his hair and he loves how good it feels as his hair is tugged slightly.

He hums happily as he bring his mouth up and down in quick strokes.

"Oh my," is all Asahi can repeat, his hips bucking slightly. "Oh Koushi."

He lets out a small moan as Suga lets his cock fall out of his mouth after sucking hard.

"I don't think I have condoms," he whispered as he got up off his knees. He winches when one cracks.

Asahi is quick to reach into his pocket to pull of a wallet. Amongst the banknotes he pulls out a lone condom. Suga lets out a breathy laugh. He places his hand gently on his shoulder and gives a long kiss.

He lets his fingers trail along his chest as he makes his way to the drawer where he knows there's lube for sure. He tosses the bottle to Asahi who catches it one handed.

Soon enough the pants are gone and all the is left is boxers and Asahi's white shirt. Suga loves the feeling of straddling him, how good it feels when he grinds ever so slightly making Asahi blush a deeper red somehow. He lets his hands trail down to the end of the shirt and helps him yank it off.

Immediately his eyes go to the scars he knows are there. The pale off white line of the appendix surgery and the smaller circular bullet scar. His gaze makes his way up along the expanse of his stomach to his chest, covered in dark, fine hair. He bites his lips as he takes in the bruises starting to appear on his neck.

His heart drops when he looks at his left shoulder. It was never often that Suga would see Asahi shirtless, the few times between practice matches or the two times at Christmas Eve parties. Then it had been unmarred.

He let shaky fingers trace over the plethora of shrapnel scarring, looking just as fresh as the other two scars.


End file.
